The Ruins As They Were
by holmesfreak1412
Summary: Ty Lee is not ready for her love. Azula is not ready to lose her. Seven days into the life of an amnesiac woman and her desperate bride. Should Ty Lee trust the person who is only telling her half the story? Formerly Comatose.
1. Sunday

Title: The Ruins As They Were

Author: holmesfreak1412

Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Pairing: Ty Lee & Azula

Genre: Angst, Romance

Rating: T

Summary: Ty Lee is not ready for her love. Azula is not ready to lose her. Seven days into the life of an amnesiac woman and her desperate bride. Can Ty Lee trust the person who is only telling her half the story?

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Avatar franchise

Notes: The concept of the fic is based on S.J. Watson's novel "Before I Go To Sleep". But I only took the concept of the amnesia that Christine endured. The rest are concocted to fit in the ATLA universe.

 **Warning: This story does not accurately depict amnesia. The way the condition is romanticized and written is only for entertainment purposes.**

…

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Comatose

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ONE

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 _SUNDAY_

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.

Her name is Ty Lee, she somehow remembers. She is a perfectly, capable adult. She ran away years ago. And her heart has been broken many, many times.

She wakes into the feel of a stranger's bed, the unfamiliar scent of the rough blankets digging into her senses. Whitewashed ceilings blare overhead and outside, the birds sing a tune forgotten in her apparent insobriety. Nausea seizes her bearings, turning her legs into jelly. Her body feels heavy, like tiger-lion weighing down on her chest. In reflex, she closes her eyes again, breathes. She realizes that she must have had rough night, one too many drinks. The world spins. She wants to throw up. Beside her, something moves and Ty Lee realizes that she is not alone.

Eyes cracking open. A pool of dark hair, golden eyes and a chiseled, beautiful face. The stranger stares blearily at her, bare shoulders showing from under her sheets. For several seconds, they hold each other's gazes, swimming in between realms of affection and confusion, of smiles and dubious gapes, of alert instinct and groggy regard. Ty Lee asks herself questions but it got lost in the sea of gold-flecked stare. And Ty Lee is transfixed for she saw nothing more beautiful than the goddess she woke up with.

Her own body feels unusual and when she sees that she too is naked under the blankets, it does not take much to know what occurred in the night of alcohol and forgetting. She struggles to remember anything before inebriation—a mother's voice, a stern command of a superior, anything! But she draws a blank and Ty Lee gets nothing but the fleeting memory of the exact golden eyes she is looking at right now, flashing with something unidentifiable in the darkness of the night. She does not remember a pub, does not recall the desire to sleep with a nameless woman (for even in the nebulae of frazzled recollection, she could somehow say that she prefers the soft touch of another female). But she remembers feeling safe, feeling secure and beautiful dark hair and golden eyes and the stunning woman before her and…

Golden eyes close. Perfect red lips mutter a groan. Strong, lithe arms raise and snake around her body. Ty Lee stills, stiffens. Her heart pounds in her throat. The woman moves closer, murmurs in her neck some unintelligible phrases. She holds her breath. Ty Lee waits. The stranger snoozes on.

She is not sure how long it has been but when she is certain that the woman has settled, Ty Lee slowly slinks away. Untangling herself off the embrace proves to be easier than expected, slipping through almost effortlessly. Ty Lee does not remember being so flexible. For the moment, a hint of pride swells inside her. Her limbs ache and she stinks of sex. Ruefully looking back at the dozing woman, she wonders how many rounds they got into before she fainted. Thinking about it hurts Ty Lee's head.

The sudden surge of strength startles Ty Lee and seated on the edge of the bed, she feels the world tilt upside down. She breathes, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. And finally she can sneak to the bathroom, wobbling unsteadily into the slippers she does not notice fits her too well. The door is ajar, light comes gleaming out. For a moment, she stays prone on the toilet seat and attempts to gather herself. Her name is Ty Lee. She slept with a woman whose name escaped her. Worse off, she did not know how to get back home, wherever that is. Where is she? How old is she? The situation is somewhat familiar and she figures that this must have happened before. Picking up strangers, fucking them. She must have been so heartbroken, so torn to resort to such desperation but even that, she does not remember. Her head hurts.

Then the mirror beckons her.

She knows instantly that it is her. The twenty-something woman with disheveled wavy, brown hair that must have been usually bound into a braid. But Ty Lee does not recognize herself, cannot put the name Ty Lee in the woman's weathered, stressed countenance or the button nose or the thin lips. Brown eyes stare. She stares back. She moves her arms. The woman does the same. Ty Lee does not know if she expects herself to be younger, different but horror freezes her nevertheless, the cloud of unknowing consuming her and she wonders what in the world is going on. Who in the world is she.

Her reflection is a stranger.

She wants to scream, wants to throw something. Gripped with something that she cannot identify. Is this fear? Panic? What is going on? Her tremors lead her to see the painting taped on the other side of the suspiciously broken looking-glass. Two people, seated somberly beside each other in what Ty Lee recognizes to be some kind of a wedding ceremony. A woman in braids sits elegantly as the other stood stiff. Ty Lee knows the former to be her, perhaps younger and looking happier. But there is something unreal in her smile, something that does not seem right. She then directs her attention to her companion. Another woman. Top-knot, dark hair, beautiful, sculpted face and tantalizing golden eyes…

A neat calligraphy is under the arrow that points directly to the woman's face. _Azula._

She looks at the reproduction of her own full body pose and sees the confirmation of what she knew from the moment she woke up somehow even when everything else eluded her. _Ty Lee._

The painting is scratched, creased in several places, as if it has always been there and restored after several attempts of being removed. Azula looks so composed, so regal that painting-Ty Lee awkwardly stands out.

It is there, as if it expected that Ty Lee would not even know her own name.

She steps back, shocked, gripped by the realization. She is married! And to the woman she woke up with! Ring finger. There is a ring! Indescript piece of gold. This is her house, her home! And she does not even know! Who is she? What is going on? Isn't she… didn't she? Who is she?

A sense of foreboding settles in her gut, a lead ball dropping. There is a deathly silence, emptiness. And she finally realizes the gravity of her situation.

….

.

Miss Gold-eyes is awake when Ty Lee shakily and finally emerges from the bathroom. She is seated calmly and dressed in a flimsy, red robe. She holds the piece of canvass on her hand after carefully extracting it from its glue. Gold-eyes raises her eyebrows and Ty Lee tries not to stare too long at the valley in her middle, at the alluring way that the woman holds herself. Crosslegged, her thigh peeks out. A cup of tea is suspended halfway to her red lips, steaming. But she does not drink. Ty Lee resists the urge to ogle, reminds herself that she wants answers more than she wants to ravish such a specimen.

She gives Ty Lee an inquiring look, perfectly-shaped eyebrows cocked. Agni, she is beautiful, Ty Lee thinks while feeling an unusually familiar warmth settling at the peak of her core, prickling in her insides, incinerating her nerves. She does not blame whoever she had been for choosing to do the unconventional and marry this goddess of a woman.

If they really were married, that is.

This must be some sort of a trick. She remembers about tricks some particularly mischievous spirits would decide to inflict upon humans. Maybe she offended one vengeful, powerful soul? Yes, that sounds just right. She conjures a mother she does not remember, faceless and unknown who chastises her of her insubordination. But the image vanishes and Ty Lee's mind is still riddled with more questions than answers.

But there is something in the woman's eyes, her complacent smile that makes Ty Lee instinctively trust her.

She tries not to think that she might be the type who develops crushes easily.

"What is going on?" she voices hoarsely, stepping forward. The woman still haven't spoken, as if waiting for her, waiting… "Who are you?"

"I am your wife." Her voice, the purr of a cat. Could this person be any less perfect than what she exudes already? Ty Lee finds it hard to be hysterical, to scream in panic at this unfamiliar room, at this stranger when this golden-eyed goddess sits with no care. The woman's presence is calming. Her confidence is inspiring. And the way she looks at her like everything is fine makes Ty Lee momentarily delude herself that it is. "My name is Azula. We have been married for a few years now."

"For years?" She breathes. Impossible. This is impossible. Surely she would remember. "How? Why?"

"You had an accident." Azula says, putting the cup of tea back on the nighttable. She takes a step towards her, on the way picking up a white dress. She hands it to the shaking Ty Lee. She pries the painting off her shaking hands. "You have a trouble remembering things. Sometimes, you remember when you were fourteen. Other times, you wake up thinking you were a child. Most times, you don't remember your own name."

Her approach is almost clinical. Ty Lee wonders if she has heard wrong and Azula is in fact, some kind of a doctor, her doctor. But the woman's unspoken question hangs at the end of the sentence. Azula's brows are creased in askance. _How much do you remember?_

"I remember that my name is Ty Lee." There is a sigh of relief. Azula waits, touches her shoulders. "But nothing else." Ty Lee's voice is louder now, desperate. Her mind spins. Her head hurts. Agni, make it stop! "This accident. When did this happen? What happened?"

Azula's face is torn in between… something. Ty Lee could not tell. It might be compassion. It might be fear. But hers seemed to be the type that froze at any hint of an emotion while Ty Lee probably contorted in between all forms of terror. What is going on? "When you were nineteen. A lot of things have happened. We were childhood friends turned to lovers. You are twenty six now."

Seven years. Impossible. This is impossible.

Azula and she had been childhood friends. She does not even remember. All those play dates. Did they play dolls when they were seven? Who are her parents? Who is she? Does she have siblings? She cannot even remember the people who brought her in this world. She cannot even remember the person she agreed on marrying.

Nothing makes sense. Azula does not make sense. But when she feels her arms wrap around her trembling body, she finds that the smell of this woman is familiar, calming. And she lets her. Ty Lee lets her because she realizes that if she lets herself crumple, she might fall unconscious. Something tells her that she does not want to fall back to sleep. Or all would be lost.

She does not know what to ask. She does not know what to do.

"I love you." Azula whispers, rocking her back and forth. Ty Lee lets herself cry in her shoulder, heaving everything in dry, nerve-wracking sobs.

"I'm scared." She confesses.

"Just trust me." Azula answers. She runs her hands on Ty Lee's tangled hair. This, she thinks, feels familiar. Azula… everything about Azula feels familiar. "I will always look after you."

….

.

Azula shows her around the house after Ty Lee painstakingly braided back her hair. The motions were second nature and it subdued her growing unease over the situation. Azula stood behind her all that time, watching with careful eyes as she admitted that everytime, she herself tried to braid Ty Lee's hair, Ty Lee always unraveled and corrected it her own way. Eventually, Azula just stopped trying.

"I just never do it right and you never seem to forget how to do your braids." There is a amusement in her tone, almost affectionate, almost patronizing. Ty Lee's heart had fluttered against her will.

"Where are we?" Ty Lee asks, trailing behind as Azula went through an office, the kitchen and the drawing room. The house is modest, almost small. But there is something immaculate and homey in the atmosphere. The furniture is not something she would have chosen but she approves. She figures that she always approved of whatever Azula does.

Or perhaps, she never had the capacity to help design their home in the past seven years.

She wonders if Azula gives her a tour around the house every now and then.

 _You always forget things._ How often is always?

"We are in Isobu." Azula responds and Ty Lee's brows crumples in confusion. The woman quickly explains. "It's a Fire Nation province."

Fire Nation, she remembers. One of the four great nations. But Isobu… blank. "I do not even know where I live." She feels utterly miserable.

"Do you want some coffee?" Azula asks, touching her hand. For some reason, it surprises Ty Lee that she even asks. Azula seems to be the type of woman anyone would do anything for. That Ty Lee would do anything for.

The attention flatters her somewhat.

Ty Lee flushes involuntarily. "Sure. With cream and lots of sugar."

Azula's smile. Beautiful, just beautiful. "I know." And it strikes Ty Lee that this is her wife, not just an extraordinarily gorgeous stranger after a hot night of sex. This is her home. This is her kitchen. This is her wife. Pride swells in her chest. Her head hurts. She wants to remember how she has managed to keep this wonderful woman. For years! They have been married for years!

"Were we very much in love?" She asks before she can stop herself because for some reason she does not doubt the answer. She conjures images of pre-amnesiac her, walking around the beach, holding this woman's hand. They were once childhood friends. Maybe that was when everything started. Maybe that was when they fell in love.

Maybe she still remembers that she is supposed to…no, loves Azula

There is a wistful note in her face and Azula smiles thinly. "Very." Ty Lee's heart beat a little faster when she added. "No one loved me as much as you did."

….

.

.

"Do I do this everyday?" She feels scared again, confronted by the same terror that she felt when she first woke. She feels inadequate, invalid. She feels broken in the presence of such a perfect human being who sits before her calmly, pushing a scrapbook to her hands. The thought of Azula excites her, makes her warm all over. She is just perfect. Ty Lee thinks it would be easy to fall in love once more. Maybe, she loved her from the moment she woke up. Does she fall in love with Azula every day over and over again?

"You do remember things. Sometimes, it is no longer necessary." Her wife… wife!... pauses. Almost deliberately. Ty Lee snaps her head from the big, brown album, eyeing the golden orbs. The lips twitch. Smile. Agni. Beautiful. "Yesterday, you remembered as much as our childhood together. You were an acrobat, you know."

Ty Lee opens the first page. A painting. Two children. She recognizes her younger self, dressed in pink. A girl stands beside her, beaming. The same topknot, the promise of beauty in youth. She stares back at the real, fulfilled product before her. Paintings can be forged but the jolt that she feels everytime Azula graces her with a smirk is real. Very real. Ty Lee wonders how long she has loved this woman, whether the fact that she prefers the soft touch of a female has been apparent as day when she played dolls with Azula as children.

She attempts to imagine a memory, anything that would prove that her growing affection to her keeper is more than a silly infatuation but fails.

She closes the book, tries to contain herself. "We look… wealthy." She remarks.

"I was once the Princess." Ty Lee's eyes widen. This, she did not expect. She thinks of castles and palaces, of palanquins and thrones. "Oh, don't look so surprised. I am sure I look like one."

Azula does. Ty Lee is not sure whether she ever saw a Princess before but she was sure that this is how they are supposed to look like. A scene flashes before her eyes. Red and gold cartwheels. Pink follows. Then the scene fades. "You said 'once was'." She questions. The place they live in now is far from a palace, she observed. "What do you mean by that?"

"I was banished, dishonored, stripped off my rightful throne." Her tone is leveled as though those painful facts that Ty Lee winced upon hearing does not bother her anymore. Maybe it does not. It has been so long. Azula approaches the subject dispassionately, going through it like cold statements of facts. "But you followed me and lived with me. We married and have been with each other ever since."

Her tone tilts, rises. Ty Lee thinks it is almost dismissive.

"That's romantic." Ty Lee gushes. Because that sounds like the very thing that she would do. She deduces from the context that she must have been some kind of a noblewoman if she was able to share the same playing ground as the Princess of the land. The Fire Nation. She does not know what that means but the name alone sounds powerful enough. Azula herself looks quite powerful, impressive. "But that is before the accident, isn't it?"

Her tone takes a depressing turn. Azula puts her hands over hers, rubbing circles. "What happened?" Whisper. Bowed head.

The oppressive distance is crossed. Azula takes her into her arms. Ty Lee finds that she does not really mind. She rationalizes that in a world that you remember nothing of, familiarity is solace. Azula is very familiar somehow.

"Bounty hunters came up to us." Azula runs a finger through brown hair, draws circle on the scalp. "They were after me. You had a head injury, almost fatal. But I can't just let go. Maybe I am selfish. I do not know. I am just…"Ty Lee unconsciously moves closer. "I am… was not ready to lose you, Ty Lee."

She catches the slip. "Oh, Azula…" she whispers, breathless. Azula must blame herself a lot.

They stay like that for a while, wrapped in each other's arms. She reverently takes in Azula's scent, the smell of lavender and cherry. Ty Lee feels safe, comfortable. She thinks that she could get used to this.

She opens the book, flips another page.

It is her, dressed in an elaborate costume of white and gold. She is suspended upside down on a tightrope, a crown placed over her head. A handstand with just a single finger, grinning confidently as she balanced precariously. The Freakshow, the poster eloquently described her. The sight of the picture makes her ridiculously happy somehow. Glee bubbles in her throat as she trails her fingers over the painting, a crude caricature of herself. There is pink all over it, splashed in random places. She realizes that it must be her favorite color.

"People come to watch you from the farthest places." Azula says beside her, looking over her shoulder. "You were quite a sight. Majestic. I watched you once and I was impressed. The circus was your all-time love. You ran away for it. I think you said it was your… uh… 'calling'."

"Where my aura soars pink!"

Azula is obviously startled. "What?"

"Nothing." Ty Lee feels her face redden, embarrassed. She mentally kicks herself. Such a stupid, childish thing to say."It just sounds like something I would say."

For a moment, worry crosses Azula's cherubic features before schooling itself to her default look of pleasantness. "Ah.. yes. Yes." She trails off again, joining Ty Lee's hands over the poster. Ty Lee likes how she feels against her, breasts pressing on her back, legs on hers. "You love it there. But I took it away from you."

She almost sounds regretful and Ty Lee is floored by the desire to console the ex-princess, to kiss the guilt away. It is not her fault. It is not her fault. You took care of me for so long. "What happened?" she asks instead, not for the first time.

"I asked you to join me in a mission and you were forced to leave." Azula nuzzles closer, burying her nose on her neck. Ty Lee realizes that she does not mind this at all. No, not at all. It is scary? Is Azula a stranger? Ty Lee does not think so. Azula seems to be the only thing that she knows she wants right now. "You were sad and withdrawn for several days."

"But I joined you so that must be what I wanted. I am struck that I might be the type to do what I want. Do you think so too?"

Azula tilts her head sideways and Ty Lee misses the warmth of being so close to her but Azula pulls her in, adjusting their positions so that she sat more comfortably on her lap. She initiates a chaste kiss. "Yes. You always do what you want." She places her lips over Ty Lee's. They are soft. "How does this feel?" Again.

Warm. "Like kissing a desert."

Eloquent. Ugh. She must not be very good with words. Ty Lee kicks herself again.

Azula's eyes are wide, slightly offended. "Really?" She pouts.

Azula is so cute Ty Lee wishes she could crush her.

"it's warm." The rest of Azula is warm too. She must be sweating bullets. "Very warm. But it is kind of cold so…" She is the one who leans closer.

Kiss. "One more."

Kiss. "Another one."

Kiss. Ty Lee moans. "Again."

Kiss. Azula breaks away just as Ty Lee is ready. The acrobat pulls her back down. "Again."

Kiss. This one last longer, moving against each other in perfectly exercised rhythm and Ty Lee has no more doubt that they have done this before. The motions are another familiar thing. She rakes her hands on dark hair. Azula's arms are draped protectively around her middle. Kiss. Ty Lee pants. Azula takes her.

And they sink into each other.

This one… this one…

This feels right.

….

.

.

Lunch is not a very uh… delicious affair. Azula admits that even in seven years of taking care of an amnesiac wife, she never figured out the secrets of the kitchen. The steak is half burnt, the sauce overstirred. Azula said she has no doubt that she followed the instructions to the letter. Fire is just very hard to control.

The way she phrased her words makes Ty Lee giggle. Azula, in all her apparent perfection is every bit of an awkward conversationalist but she flows through her wife's ignorance with ease, telling her things in a way that she would know what she is talking about. Ty Lee reminds herself that Azula has probably done this several times before. It is a familiar dance. It makes Ty Lee sad. And she remembers that she probably would forget again. 'Honestly, I have no idea why you stayed with me." Azula says charmingly as she pushes the plate of overcooked meat away. Her petulance is endearing. "But then again, you love me."

She is quite the conceited one. Ty Lee absolutely loves it. "You are amazing." She purrs, biting her lips as she recalls their little activity on the couch. The sex is mindblowing. Touches burned. Kisses left a trail of fire. The musty scent lingers. No wonder she felt sore all over that morning. Azula is simply, indescribably…

"I know." A kiss. Ty Lee melts. Golden eyes stare her down as they reluctantly broke away. Azula seem happy, a glow out of place in her otherwise exhausted face. Ty Lee wonders if this means this is one of her better days. "What do you want to do today?"

"I do not know." She says softly, gazing at her wife's pretty face. She is so beautiful. She runs her hand on her cheek. She really is in no mood for going outside. She is not even sure if Azula wants to. She is probably just being polite. "What do I usually do?"

"You haven't been on this mood for quite a while." Azula says. There is a mischievous glint in her eyes that effectively incites adrenaline in Ty Lee's veins. She tries not to think of what her words mean. About Ty Lee's moods. Sometimes she remembers some things. She wonders how she is when she remembers those. She wonders how Azula is as well. "Care for round two?"

Their lips meet, they fall into each other. And for as long as she can remember, which is not much, Ty Lee feels the most content.

….

.

"We had sex last night." She does not remember, had no idea whether it was as electrifying as this experience. Ty Lee got herself reacquainted with the bed through Azula's kisses and ministrations. When she unraveled, she sank under the cushions. Azula sank with her, moving beside her with her hands wrapped around her sweat-drenched frame. She thinks she could get used to this. She thinks she could love her wife.

"You were in a mood for a drink." Azula answers. Ty Lee senses discomfort before it is… gone, replaced by the tired sigh of a spent lover. Ty Lee's moods. Azula treads into the topic like she dances atop shards of broken glass. She wonders how bad she is at her worst. Azula had implied that this is her best. The thought dampens her. "I bought the best wine at the pub. We got wasted, you asked questions, I answered and one thing led to another."

"How much did I remember?" From the clues she has compiled so far, she pretty much has good idea how her amnesia works. Everytime she goes to sleep she forgets. She can't remember old memories. She can't make new ones. It is a most distressing thought that she would forget about Azula everytime she goes to bed. She cannot imagine the disconcert that Azula feels everytime she reintroduces herself all over again to her wife or what remains of her for the day.

 _My name is Azula._

Every single time.

"You thought you were fifteen yesterday." This confirms Ty Lee's thoughts. Azula's eyes are distant, affixed into a thousand-yard stare. "You see, we were… on a sort of cool off when we were fifteen. We were… away from each other. For a long time. Long story short, I was away by force. You went away. I guess I kind of resented you too. And you thought I still do.'

Disbelief courses through Ty Lee and she bolts upwards. "What? How?"

"We got into a bit of a fight." Azula gently pulls her down, massaging her shoulders. Ty Lee calms down. The clinical approach again. Ty Lee wonders how many times she asked this question every week. How many times Azula tried to evade it, the pain. "We broke up and haven't seen each other for a while. You insisted that you no longer love me—"

"That's impossible!"

A thin smile. "I know, I know. So you asked that we talk things through drinks. We just happened again, I guess. For a day. I think this is the reason why you remember a few things about our romance today."

Today. Not _now._ Azula has already prepared herself. She knows it would not last.

Ty Lee presses her lips against hers. "I am sorry." Her face is damp with tears. She feels horrible. How could she do this everyday to Azula? How could…? Who will she be tomorrow? "It must be very hard for you. I am so sorry."

"There are worse times. Sometimes, you outright reject me."

"What?" This scenario angers Ty Lee.

Azula smirks. To herself. To Ty Lee. The amnesiac cannot tell. "Sometimes, you insist that I am some kind of an evil monster who abducted you."

Oh.

Plop.

That possibility completely escaped Ty Lee.

Azula snorts, chuckles. "Of course you don't believe that, don't you?"

No… she decides, pulling Azula closer. This nice woman could not possibly have done that. No, definitely not a monster. She has sacrificed everything and bore through years of waking up with a wife who thought she was a stranger. No, Ty Lee is certain that she loves Azula, loves her enough that this seems to be the only thing that she can remember now. Maybe she can carry it through the next day. Maybe she will wake up knowing that this, this is her wife.

"I love you." She says earnestly. Azula brightens. This makes Ty Lee happy.

"Let's go watch the stars." She beckons and she pulls her wife up.

….

.

The bathroom candlelights set the mood for a romantic tryst. Ty Lee rubs soap on Azula's back and her wife croons in pleasure. She takes the chance to ask questions. "When we were kids, do we have anyone else besides each other?"

Azula seems to weigh it, brain whirring for the right thing to say before responding. "We have Mai."

Curiosity gets the better of Ty Lee and she eagerly asks more. "Who is she? Are we like, uh, a terrible trio? Where is she now?"

There is a look in Azula's face that makes Ty Lee regret her excitement. In her defense though, she just wants to know. Were they as isolated as they seem to be? In the full day they spent together, Azula just stayed with her in bed. She must have some kind of a job or other people to talk too. There must be some other human interaction that Azula bask in everyday if she has to deal with a blubbering, forgetful wife every time she wakes up.

Especially in her bad moods.

Or those times, Ty Lee shivers. Those times that she thought she is a child.

She would have gone crazy otherwise.

"Do you remember when I said I got banished?" Azula's voice is quiet, as if she is telling her a secret. Ty Lee holds her breath. The clinical approach is foregone. This seems to hit Azula more. "My older brother sits as king now. We call him Fire Lord. Mai is his wife."

"Why are we not living in the palace?"

"No one wants me there." Azula pauses, eyes distant, "The world thinks I did bad things. You know, winners write history and all that."

Oh. Ty Lee does not think she is very intelligent but she is probably old enough _today_ to understand. "So we are like…" Ty Lee is horrified of the severe implications. "…fugitives?"

"You chose to join me." Azula explains, putting some coconut gel on her hair. She almost sounds defensive.

"Of course." Ty Lee realizes that she must be the type to follow Azula to the ends of the world.

There is silence between them for a moment. Ty Lee glances at the mirror for a moment and she sees the bruise on her head for the first time. Purple slight discoloration on her forehead. She gingerly touches it,

Azula reads her mind. "You fell down the bed last time. Three days ago."

"What was I like?" Ty Lee does not want to elaborate.

But Azula understood. "You thought you were seven."

Ty Lee winces. And she feels the whole world crash on her shoulders.

"Look…" Azula wraps her arms around her, pulling the acrobat closer. She trails kisses on her face, licks the tears off. "Just trust me okay. I will take care of you. It's okay. It's okay."

But Ty Lee thinks this is inconsolable. She buries her face on her hands, heaving breath after breath of pure panic. This is not happening. This is not happening. 'But if I go to sleep tonight…"

 _I will forget you._

 _Again._

 _I will forget that I love you._

"I do not want to forget you!" she sobs, holding into Azula's beautiful face into her hands. She wonders that if she stares at each contour long enough whether she would remember every detail. "I don't."

Kiss. Again and again.

There is a tragic smile in Azula's face. And as their lips meet, she whispers. "I am always ready to remind you."

Unlike Ty Lee, she does not cry. Maybe because she already ran out tears.

….

.

.

Ty Lee hopes she would dream of Azula tonight and so perhaps she will carry the memory of golden eyes and intoxicating kisses the next day, would not wonder why they are naked, would not make it necessary for her wife to introduce herself again.

But she sees her day dissolve right before her eyes and there is darkness.

 **(TBC)**

…

 **I wish I can explain why Azula is terribly out of character without spoiling it. But I promise that this is founded through a factor that makes sense for me. Let us just say Azula is still good an actress and as manipulative as ever. Ty Lee remembers her lust for Azula mostly because she fell asleep having sex with her and as Azula has hinted, this is one of her "better days", so she decided to take advantage of it. There are six days more of this coming. Azula will be who Ty Lee remains to be for the day.**

 **TyZula has a repertoire of great amnesia fics. In Another Life and The Book of Lost Things are honorable mentions. Even my own, Phobia would have gone to that direction if I have decided to expand it. By saying that, I admit that those inspired me to write this. This is originally a long oneshot but I went for a seven-chapter novella. The next chapters are still under massive construction (so I won't get my hopes up). I am not even certain if anyone would like this.**

 **.**


	2. Monday

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TWO

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 _MONDAY_

.

.

The last things that Ty Lee remembers are Lo and Li's words about Ember Island. _A magical place._ How she will never forget the night when they finally got to know each other better before a campfire, how it rejuvenated her increasingly darkening aura. The family portrait burns. Mai and Zuko reconcile. Azula says something about an estranged, banished mother thinking she is a monster and ultimately laughs it off. Ty Lee feels the best that she has ever felt for quite a while. Because: _I know you._

She tells herself and everyone that she will never forget this day.

Then she wakes up and everything seems different.

Ty Lee is definitely not on the bed that Azula and she shared in Lo and Li's run-down cottage, definitely not on the sheets that Mai said the sea puked all over. This bed smelled different, softer. But she felt a familiar presence stir beside her, groaning into wakefulness. A scent she knows well permeates her senses and Ty Lee knows. Same dark-hair framed a slightly older face. Azula looked impossibly more beautiful than the last time she saw her (which was just last night). She is naked too, bare from the lots that she could see from the skewed blankets. Ty Lee does not remember having sex with her. They share the room with Mai and Zuko too and Azula does not want anyone to know…

Azula does not want anyone to know…

Azula says it's nothing….

Despite the glances, the jealousy, the secret kisses, the touches that almost burnt into something else…

Azula does not want this.

Azula would not want this.

"Azula!" Ty Lee calls urgently, shaking the other girl up. They could not let anyone see them like this. What would the Fire Lord say? Zuko snitched as often as Azula lied. There was a reason why they did not call their trip to the arcades for what it was: a double date. Azula was arranged to be married with another nobleman soon. Imagine the scandal! Azula would be livid. What's going on, Ty Lee promises herself that she would figure out later. That kiss in the beach didn't escalate and went out of control, didn't it? Azula does not want this. Azula said, insisted that this is not love.

No matter how much it hurt Ty Lee, some secrets just have to be kept.

"Azula!"

But Azula always knows what to do. And they are in a room that Ty Lee never saw before, wrapped in sheets that Ty Lee does not have an idea where from. They certainly are no longer in the old women's beachhouse. No sounds of wave crashing against rocks. No smell of seawater. It does not smell like old lady. Where are they?

"Azula!"

Blearily, golden eyes finally crack open and this time, Ty Lee takes note of the difference. The face that stares back is gaunt, tired and riddled with stress lines that the Princess works so hard to conceal. She would never be caught dead with those! But bathed in the sunlight, she looks no less as perfect as she was yesterday, dressed in her sleeveless tube, the sand staining her red garments. If anything the lines mark a maturity that makes her even more attractive, rivaling the flawlessness of yesterday's youth. Her body is curvier, more pronounced. Azula frowns, but not in alarm. Ty Lee gapes. She points an accusing finger towards the silently contemplating princess. "What in the world did you do to yourself Azula?"

Azula holds into her shoulders, sighs. She props herself up. Her eyes are clearer now and she asks. "How much do you remember Ty Lee?" she coaxes. Her voice is gentle. Too gentle. It momentarily disconcerts Ty Lee. Azula is never gentle. She is conniving. She would purr, she would croon if she gets something out of it.

"What do you mean how much I remember?" Now, Ty Lee is confused. And she notices the small things. Azula's voice is deeper, her words lacking the sultry accent she once took pride in. Azula's countenance is less stiff, lacking the command that her scowl inspired. Azula looks like Ursa. For the first time, fear grips Ty Lee's senses. This is not Azula. And yet… "We were in Ember Island. With Zuko and Mai! We were in Lo and Li's house but we are not there now. Where are we… Azula and what is going on?!"

Her voice… her own voice…

Ty Lee's panic is getting the better of her and she forgets that Azula dislikes being bombarded with so many questions all at once. But Azula just waits, rubs her bare shoulders and Ty Lee is struck by the already growing suspicion that this might not be her princess after all. Because Azula would have already chastised her, mock her. Perhaps she apologized last night but that was only because Ty Lee was once again better at something Azula wanted to be best at. Azula always needed something from her—her submission, her skills, even her love. And Ty Lee had always been more than willing to provide to her Princess because that is their relationship. Azula takes. Ty Lee gives. Being in her good graces makes Ty Lee fear her less.

But Azula is nothing but efficient. This Azula just stared at her in askance, as if expecting something. In that short span of time as Ty Lee bumbled and fidgeted, her Azula would have gotten them out of this place already and burned it in her wake.

Maybe, they look the same. Or this might be how an older Azula would look but her Azula is just fourteen! Younger than Ty Lee! This woman… this woman…. This is not Azula! No way.

Azula can read minds however. And this Azula does. "I assure you that it is me, Ty Lee. Azula. I am Azula" The touches become more urgent, pressing further as if sensing Ty Lee's instinct to incapacitate her. She does not relax. She cannot let herself to. "You are twenty-six now Ty Lee. And we are married."

No.., what is going on? Married? Twenty-six? How is this possible?

"But you…" she trails off, trying to shrug her hold off. Ty Lee would have pushed her off and drawn as much distance as possible but her body feels heavy, uncooperative. And this Azula… this Azula…"You are going to be married off to somebody else!"

"Some things change."

"What?" She is astounded. Because there is no way that Azula would marry her. There is no way. What they have… what they have….

What they have is never love.

"You said you don't love me!" Ty Lee shrieks, this time finally gathering her rage to pull away. Because Azula would never hold her like this. Not so tenderly. Azula said she did not love her. Azula did not love her. And Ty Lee would never marry someone who denied her such dream. "You just said it yesterday! Azula! What in the world are you saying? Who…" She holds the sheets to cover her naked body, points a trembling finger towards Azu—the stranger. "Who are you?"

"Listen to me Ty Lee…" Her voice… her voice is different. Azula does not talk like that. But the woman keeps her distance, willingly giving Ty Lee her space. Wrapped around the red blankets, Ty Lee leaps off the bed, poising herself for a fighting stance.

Azu—the woman stands too but her attempt to look nonthreatening is futile. Her body is a Firebender's frame, all muscle, no wasted skin. Ty Lee tries not to stare, tries not to think that this is indeed what Azula would look like twelve years later…

Twelve years later.

Ty Lee is twenty-six.

Even from the distance, Ty Lee can tell that she is of almost the same height as this woman.

"I know I should have put a mirror here." She hears Azula… mutter and Ty Lee is surprised at how close she has gotten. Immediately, hands seize her shoulders, holding her steady. She is not pinned down, she is not forced into restraint. But the stranger that looks so much like Azula towers over her, though it is obvious that they indeed are almost of the same height. An expression swims in golden eyes that look so familiar, so beautiful. But this pair looks more haunted, more troubled than the one who told her friends that her mother once thought she was a monster.

And that she was right.

 _But it still hurt._

"Listen," The familiar edge of her tone is back. And Ty Lee looks up at the woman—Azula- who struggles to contain her growing impatience. "I'll explain this over coffee. But for now, go to the bathroom. Get yourself dressed. This would be clear in a minute. I promise I would look after you."

This stuns Ty Lee. There is no way… there is no way… "But—"

"What?"

"Azula would never say that." Ty Lee pushes the arms off, backing another step away. She puts her before her, ready for a quick jab. "The Princess Azula I know would not care as long as she gets what she wants. I am nothing to her. It's not love—"

The laughter that follows is unsettling, pent-up aggression and frustration released into an ironic burst of mirth. There is a sparkle in Azula's wide eyes, an airy quality in her gaped mouth. She shakes her head repeatedly. And Ty Lee freezes.

"If you still believe that, then this day would be harder than the usual." What? What does this… this weirdo mean? Azula is never like this. Azula is never crazy like this. She is perfect, composed. Azula makes sense. What is happening? "Listen, Ty Lee. I love you."

No… That's not true.

Azula would never say that. Her Azula would never say that. She has everything. She has the world! She does not need Ty Lee.

Azula makes sense.

This stranger does not.

"And I will always look after you."

No…

Azula does not care.

Azula does not need her.

"Now I promise, everything will be clear once you take a nice bath." Stunned, Ty Lee lets herself be coaxed towards the bathroom door. Azula pauses outside and stays. "I'm downstairs if you need me. I'd give you a tour around the house. Just remember…"

Ty Lee begins to shake.

"I love you."

The door closes.

….

.

.

The anxiety does not subside even after she saw the painted portrait—the one evidence that made everything unreal feasible. For paintings can be forged and eyes can be tricked. Perhaps, this is one elaborate prank, one designed to lead her on, just the very thing that Azula who never acknowledged what was between them for what it was, would do just to possess her. She is cruel that way. The Azula that Ty Lee is used to. Mirrors lie too. You see what you want to see. But it cannot be denied that Ty Lee does not want to see an adult version of her staring back and yet she did.

She is dressed now, in a white kimono she does not remember owning, seated at a kitchen she does not remember cooking on. She fidgets, eyes panning back and forth, to and fro, looking for an escape. She is in a house she does not remember ever living in. The windows are all closed. And as far as she can see, there is no door in sight. Azu—yes,- Azula herself stands not a few yards away, waiting for the kettle to steam and true to her word, explains the whole thing.

An accident. A banishment. Because apparently, Zuko is now Fire Lord and what Azula only has left is Ty Lee, who cannot even remember having the Princess in the first place. Her storytelling is vague, coated with the most general description that only rendered Ty Lee more confused than ever. Because why would Zuko banish her after all she has done for him? They captured Ba Sing Se, has slain the Avatar. They are heroes of the Fire Nation. Ty Lee never wanted for Azula to be Fire Lord—for some reason, the idea has always been cringeworthy to her- but Ty Lee definitely expected more than them being exiled in Isobu—some island in the outskirts of their nation. Azula is left with nothing so she takes Ty Lee with her.

As usual with the Princess, the acrobat is but an afterthought.

Her illness. She wakes up a different person every single day. She wakes up confused. Azula stays by her side, becomes her tether back to the real world that has already moved on without her. Everyday, she is the stranger who knows Ty Lee intimately. Everyday, the past would be lost. The present, a routine. The future, unthinkable.

That is that one thing that she loathes to understand but so far answers the multitude of questions that has piled up.

But she cannot believe this is happening. Because if she does, then that only means the reality that she is in right now is far from the dreams of a life that she has always mooned about. Or rather, the appropriate dreams where her heart is not stepped on mercilessly. Azula is never part of those. Azula is never supposed to be part of her life after she gets what she wants, despite all the kisses, the confusion, the almost-sex. And yet… and yet… and yet…

Ty Lee is not supposed to be this pathetic.

"We are married Ty Lee." Azula reminds her once again, seating herself as she places the cup of coffee before the desperate woman. Lots of cream. Lots of sugar. Azula never knew that about her. Azula woke too early to share breakfasts with them and she definitely did not ever make Ty Lee any. "We were nineteen and very much in love before things happened."

The accident. The accident that made her an invalid for the past seven years. She feels her head spin. Thinking hurts. This accident. This accident that put her in a situation where she has to get to know an Azula she agreed on marrying all over again every passing day.

Because even her most masochistic side does not recognize the woman anymore.

Because although she can see (Ty Lee tries not to think of what lay under those red robes, how those alluring unpainted lips tastes now) why she would have lusted after her, there is just no way that Ty Lee would marry her.

(But then, it was the third time the Princess told her that she loves her and she is different and she makes her coffee and she is beautiful and they had sex and perhaps, she really agreed if she proposed because deep inside Ty Lee knows that though it would have been okay that they were never meant to be, she wouldn't have been able to move on from her first love. The kisses, the confusion, the almost-sex)

(But she doubts it)

(She just cannot believe… she just cannot believe… that Azula has nothing but her now.)

(She cannot believe… she just cannot believe… that Ty Lee has nothing but Azula now too.)

(The kisses, the confusion, the almost sex…)

(There has to be something more than that.)

"Don't you want to ask what this accident is all about?" Azula prompts and for a moment, Ty Lee is startled at her gentle, coaxing tone. But she reminds herself that in this reality, Azula answers questions and retells the story of their lives every single passing day that Ty Lee wakes up to find that the world has streamed on when she stayed stuck in the past.

And that Azula has changed. Azula has changed.

That she has nothing but Ty Lee now and the memories of a long-gone life.

And Ty Lee has nothing but Azula now. And even her memories eluded her.

"Why are you banished?" is her answer to the posed question. She ignores the coffee, figuring that it would only add fuel to her already hammering heart. Azula calmly sips hers, elegantly raising her cup to her lips. She sighs, breathes and the gold gaze stays contemplatively on Ty Lee's gray ones. They are beautiful. Still beautiful.

More beautiful.

"Well for starters, the Avatar is alive."

The information alone says a lot although Azula does not enunciate it like a momentous revelation. (Which is understandable if you have to say that every single day… no… no… NO!) But it provokes the same shock as it would have had it been more dramatic. Ty Lee's lips part. "You mean your father banished you?" Twelve years. Twelve years since everything happened. Twelve years of her life that Ty Lee has no idea about. She needs answers. She needs them now.

But is one day of lucidity enough to catch up to memories that she would forget the very next day? It is the way her illness goes, Azula had said. _You have a hard time remembering things._ Yesterday, Azula had mentioned that Ty Lee remembered the attraction and obviously acted on it too. She blushes at the thought. The previous day, she was in the mind of a fifteen-year old.

And now Ty Lee believes she is still fourteen,

A mere difficulty on remembering is the biggest understatement ever sold.

She… she… She cannot think of the word.

"No." Azula seems unaware of Ty Lee's turmoil, of her slowly crumbling psyche. Because all this time, she has been alive and she has no idea how. "The world banished me. The world has no place for people like me anymore especially after the war." There is no emotion in her words, just cold, hard facts. Clinical, her mind supplies. The word sounds familiar.

"After the war?" Ty Lee exhales. And the implications race in her mind, things she never thought about before. Because the Fire Nation has been impervious. Azula has been so invulnerable. How could they wind up in the losing side. "Azula… I—"

"Long story short: I lost an Agni Kai. Zuzu becomes Fire Lord. The world hates me. And I lost everything."

Azula states this calmly, no negative inflection as if this is but a routine she got used to. She pauses, as if waiting for Ty Lee to ask a question. "And me?" She asks, feeling her gaze shift to the unvarnished surface of the wooden table. "Where do I come in?"

"You joined me." She replies, like it is the most apparent thing in the world and Ty Lee thinks that maybe it is. Perhaps in her compassion, she falls harder for Azula when she adamantly told herself not to. That probably she considered the end of the war a blessing in disguise. Because if Azula lose grasp of the things that once mattered, she would finally see a path that Ty Lee secretly visited in dreams after their trysts and traverse it with her. Maybe, it makes sense. Maybe, it is the only thing that makes sense now.

Because there is no way that the Avatar is alive. No way that Zuko is Fire Lord. No way that she forgets the memories she makes whenever she so much as slips out of consciousness.

But she will… Ty Lee will certainly join Azula to the ends of the world.

That makes sense.

But there is no way that Azula would willingly tell her that she loves her when she just said yesterday that,,, that… that…

 _This is nothing._

Yesterday is twelve years ago.

"Some bounty hunters caught up to us." This time, Azula volunteers the information and Ty Lee realizes that she has been silent for quite a while to warrant the discomfort between two friends awkwardly reacquainting. Except that they are no longer just friends. They are married. She is her wife. Azula is Ty Lee's wife. And they had sex yesterday even though Ty Lee does not even remember."You had a head injury. And well, you never quite recovered."

She hears the words. She hears her voice. And she sees the same beautiful face. But senses could be fooled. And the heart could be hypnotized. She ignores her fluttering chest, favors her doubting mind. And Ty Lee asks with a frown. "How did you propose?"

The mirth that succeeds her honest curiosity makes Ty Lee think that she remembers something. Déjà vu, she marvels until realizing that Azula did the exact thing earlier when Ty Lee openly doubted the validity of their marriage. Because she cannot believe it. She just cannot. The history Azula just told her are all empty words, not even triggering a single recollection. Avatars coming back from the dead are as fantastical to her as the myth of Omashu. Ty Lee frowns. "Don't laugh." The words escape her mouth and she is surprised to hear annoyance. "I am just trying to see whether I would remember." Surely, Azula begging for her hand would be a memorable enough event.

"It's just amusing that you are more interested in that than everything else." Azula pauses, drifting briefly in thought. "What made you think I was the one who proposed?"

"Because I never would have asked you!" she insists. And she covers her mouth. Oh no, she would explode anytime now. This Azula seems to be every bit volatile as the one she is used to. But Azula only scowls slightly, shrugs and Ty Lee does not have time to regret her tactlessness.

"Well, I just promised that I will always look after you." She simply says, crossing her arms petulantly. Then she smirks, recovering. This… Ty Lee thinks as she beholds the self-assured, conceited face that the twenty-six year old Azula makes. This is familiar. "We had a lot of sex."

Ty Lee blushes. "I could see that." She squeaks. And there is triumph painted all over Azula's face. Her wife. She actually is her wife. Perhaps, it does not look so farfetched now. Because Ty Lee knows that if there is no war, no throne, no perfection to attain, Azula would not have been too much of a monster to fall for. And even when the Princess outright rejected her, there had been that flicker of hope that Ty Lee had tried to ignore. She realizes that it is that small flame now that pleas for her to believe what otherwise would have been possible.

That Azula loves her back somehow. And each other is all they have now.

But trying to remember anything about the two of them hurts and so Ty Lee does not let go of the doubts.

….

.

.

To Ty Lee's eternal relief, Azula has not gone all mushy to her like she almost feared she would, with all the changes that she has noticed in her persona all at once. But watching the ex-Princess wash the dishes makes It easier for Ty Lee to believe that she has said yes when Azula promised that she will always look after her.

She looks rather good in an apron.

But some pieces just do not feel right and it perturbs Ty Lee to no end how kindhearted Zuko who carefully pluck bread to small pieces to feed the palace turtleducks would let his sister wander around the world for war crimes that he himself committed once upon a time. She knows Zuko, as much as the young man had tried to deny it last… that night in Ember Island. Azula who now lives no better than a peasant and is taking care of a wife that cannot remember who she is half the time, if what she says could be trusted—there is just no way that Zuko would let that happen. Bygones are bygones and no matter how viciously they have chased each other around the globe, they are still siblings. Azula had said in passing (after a random question because Azula only speaks of the past when prompted) that Zuko switched sides and ended up aiding the Avatar. Ty Lee for some reason is not surprised. And Azula did not elaborate. The acrobat rationalizes that telling the same story every single day must be too much of a chore.

The fact that Azula readily answered questions, albeit a bit evasive at times is surprising enough.

Another thing is Mai—surely she would be Fire Lady by now. And if indeed Zuko has been hopeless in redeeming his own sister (because even Ty Lee could tell that for once that Zuko made the right decision when he joined the Avatar. The megalomania, if that is the right word is getting out of control.), Mai should be enough of a clear head for her… husband?... to see reason. They are friends, closer than is permissive in the competitive atmosphere of where they originated. When Ty Lee asked, Azula has been closed off, almost reticent again and murmured that Mai is not someone to be trusted.

And for some reason as Azula carefully diverted her attention from their apathetic friend, Ty Lee sees the Princess she feared more than anyone in this twenty-six year old familiar stranger once again. Azula tells Ty Lee things and Ty Lee is not supposed to ask questions. And though she is consumed by the whys and hows of her situation at the moment, in her unstable mind Ty Lee is still the same fourteen year old who let Azula laughingly dismiss her own sob story off because she fears upsetting the relative balance that their otherwise abusive relationship has settled on.

So Mai is not an acceptable topic.

Ty Lee is careful and wary, treading through broken glasses around the questions and answers, around mystery and clarity. For all the façade of amiability that Azula attempts to exude, the girl who thrived in half-truths and secrets is still there, hidden away in homey smiles and accommodating words. To her credit, Azula must have noticed because for now, the amnesiac finds herself comfortable in the distance they exercise.

They sit in the opposite ends of the couch. Azula waits for the next question, her golden eyes lit with expectation. Her eagerness seems out-of-place, her apparent patience even more so. When in the past, Azula's face lit up like this when she has an impenetrable city to conquer, this time Ty Lee seems to be the only thing that she cares about, is thrilled about. And that feels wrong. Just wrong.

She thinks of any safe thing enough to ask and then she figures she should bite the bullet and try this one. "Do I have any medication I should take?"

This must have given Azula a jolt for she stills for a moment and looks at Ty Lee with a flicker in her golden eyes. Her brows creased as if surprised by the question. This sends Ty Lee to an edge, afraid that she did something wrong again.

But then she has amnesia, wakes up everyday not knowing her surroundings so she should be cut some slack. She proceeds. "I mean if I have been going through this for some time, we must have tried some remedies." She chews her inner lip, trying to remember anything she knows about memory loss besides a particularly overbearing grandfather who took not recognizing Ty Lee among her sisters to a whole new level. "I can tell it is very hard. I cannot even imagine it 'Zu-Azula. Waking up with a wo-wife who asks you who you are half the time. But amnesia is a medical disorder so there must be a cure, right?"

"We tried several things." Azula replies and she seems to have regained some semblance of composure, reverting to the clinical tone once more. She inspects her nails listlessly. "Herbs, hypnosis. I even forced a waterbender to look into it once. You name it." She trails off, watching Ty Lee with a cocked of an eyebrow. The acrobat is unsure what her expression betrays now. "Persistent amnesia has always been a tricky thing that has eluded many a scholar. Shall I explain it to you?

Jargon has never been the strongest of Ty Lee's suits and even Azula, as gifted as she is in strategic warfare, tries to avoid reading about the scientific side of nature. Though, Ty Lee could tell that she could excel on it if she tried. She remembers a younger Azula wondering once about the practicality of a flowing lightning, the girl who flew a kite with a dangling key in a thunderstorm out of curiosity and concluded a couple of complex things that Ty Lee did not bother understanding.

But she could not smile her way out of this. This is important. Ty Lee has to know what is going on with her.

Even if she will forget it by tomorrow.

She shivers.

"I have read about the matter when I found out about your… condition." Azula sounds hesitant but nevertheless plows on. "The first year is hard. You barely can remember anything and I continually have to reintroduce myself." A deprecating chortle. "The next years has seen improvement. Today, you remember your teenage years. Up until when we are at Ember Island, I believe."

"Does it vary?" Ty Lee knows the answer.

Azula nods. "Memory is a funny thing. There are two ways of how it works. One part stores short-term memory, like remembering what you ate yesterday. Another stores long-term memories like.. uh, the coup in Ba Sing Se. Likewise, there are two kinds of amnesia."

"Partial and total?" The term feels somewhat familiar. Perhaps they have discussed it at some point in the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. The instructors always have a knack of imparting the most useless of knowledge.

Except that it is not so useless now. Ty Lee wishes she has listened more closely.

"Loosely, yes." Azula's tone is beginning to gain confidence, trudging through a familiar territory. This is the Princess she remembers, so strong and so sure of herself. Ty Lee does not feel that way anymore. She used to, she tries to tell herself."I have read about one case when a Fire Nation soldier got hit by an earthbender. And he forgot his entire life but still can retain new memories."

This sounds better than what Ty Lee is said to be experiencing. "And the other."

"Is rarer." Azula answers. Her tone is somber as though she is trying to calm Ty Lee down. She does not get any closer though, does not offer any physical consolation. "Those are for people who forget memories as soon as they make them."

Something clicks in Ty Lee's head. It is quite painful and she winces. "I have both?"

She forgets most things about her life.

She forgets everything that might make it more bearable.

What do you do when you don't know of your past and the future is not even something to look forward to?

Something dark crosses Azula's face. And Ty Lee does not know what to make of it. "Yours is still rarer than that.'

She shifts from her seat but does not get any closer. Ty Lee does not question the immense relief that she feels. Because no matter what, this Azula is still a stranger to her as the concept of her forgetfulness.

"Because sometimes, you actually remember everything. And believe me, Ty Lee, those are the worst times."

….

.

.

Azula looks like she regrets bringing that up.

The revelation that there are instances that she woke up knowing everything up to the point that the bounty hunters bashed her head scares Ty Lee. Because in that she finally understands the pain that Azula must feel. The empty hope of finally waking up with a cognizant and well Ty Lee, only for it to dash into smithereens the next day when she ended up wondering who in the world she is once again. "It had happened a couple of times in the past few years." Azula says because Ty Lee snapped up and urgently asked for more information, fueled with more enthusiasm than even the questions about the bounty hunter who hit too hard.

"How was I in those days?"

"The time after the first instance, I just pretended that everything is fine. That you were in a coma after the attack." She regards Ty Lee's aghast and horrified expression with an indignant huff. "What? I'm sure you wouldn't want me to spoil the day when the both of us could actually be normal."

Ty Lee can tell now that this line of inquiry angers Azula more than anything else that she has messed up so far so she strikes it down. Because she understands why, she can see why. When she lost her memories, Ty Lee broke into pieces that are not even big enough to pick up and fix, that even Azula's genius cannot restore. A pretense for a single day is the consolation that they probably both craved for.

"And the next instances?"

"Next question."

Azula does not sound too happy.

So Ty Lee proceeds to the next question.

"Were the two of us put into prison or something?"

Being thrown in the guillotines does not seem so farfetched a thought given the things she has heard so far. Zuko the ruthless Fire Lord who gave Azula a taste of their family's medicine for dysfunctional relationships. Mai, who could "not be trusted". A resurrected Avatar. And finally, Azula in the losing side for once.

Ty Lee thinks that she would have followed her to the ends of the world no matter what. The kisses, the touches, the almost-sex. Because in her own way, Ty Lee loves her. And if she is the only thing that Azula has, she surely would not deny her of the one thing that can keep her sane.

Except that she is now a bedridden, house-sat invalid who asks the same questions everyday, who does not even remember the promise she probably made in their wedding. Azula ended up having worse than nothing.

Anyone else would have gone mad.

But not Azula. Never, the level-headed Azula.

"I was." Is Azula's reply and Ty Lee is snapped back to the reality where Azula reminded her of the nuptial promise that she would always look after her, in sickness or in health, richer or poorer, amnesiac or not for the day. "I escaped at one point. We met again some years later and well… you joined me."

That… that made sense too, Ty Lee thought in apprehension. She imagined herself hunting down Azula to join her in her dangerous exile. But what happened to her? Ty Lee was still one of Azula's handpicked generals. Surely, she would have fought alongside her, battling the forces of the united nations all because Azula expected her to. And Mai? Wouldn't they be jailed too?

Azula made it sound like Ty Lee did some form of noble sacrifice that ultimately touched her.

"You said it was romantic yesterday." Azula points out, pouting.

Defensively.

"I did?" Ty Lee does not remember. Of course. "You made it sound like I was free. Wouldn't I be on jail too if you were?"

The smirk that graced Azula's beautiful, mature features was what one would describe as ironic, directed more to the situation and viewing it with detached sarcasm. She shook her head, as though amused. "Hmm… let us put it this way. Mai loved Zuko more than me. And she looked more favorably at you as well."

The pieces clicked. So Mai must have a hand for her supposed amnesty. But why not Azula? They were friends too, weren't they? Ty Lee does not want to ponder further. "There's more to this story, isn't it?" she prompts gently. Azula is not looking at her.

"Everybody ends up loving Zuko more." She whispers. Tired sigh.

 _I could sit here and complain how my mother loved Zuko more than me…_

 _But I don't really care._

That. That, she remembers like it is yesterday.

Maybe because it was yesterday to her.

"Azula, I am not sure of anything right now." Ty Lee hears herself say. She desperately wants to gain the courage to touch her. But this woman is still a stranger. The Azula that she remembers loving is the ruthless Princess of the Fire Nation who kissed, touched, almost fucked her without acknowledging it for what it was. This Azula must have kissed, touched and fucked her when she is the only thing that she can love. "But fourteen-year old me… I certainly love you."

The words do not attain the effect that Ty Lee aimed for.

Azula raises one brow and the ironic smirk, the self deprecating laugh comes back in full force.

"Seriously…" She said in between mocking chuckles and Ty Lee crumples to herself. This. This is the Azula that she knows. And yet is unfamiliar. There is a glint in her eyes. Ty Lee does not want to look at it. "I hated the fourteen-year old you the most."

….

.

Her fourteen-year old self has done something. More accurately, she did something shortly after the events that she can remember now. Fourteen-year old Ty Lee is the persona that Azula finds most insufferable. Ty Lee can see it written all over her face, even in the mask of forced cordiality. Azula is never one for pretext of goodwill. Ty Lee just cannot put her finger to what it is and she does not dare to ask.

Maybe Azula thinks it does not matter.

Maybe Azula herself wants to forget.

Maybe Ty Lee does not need to know.

Maybe Azula does not need Ty Lee to know.

Azula avoids her for the rest of the day,

She makes dinner, wearing the same apron that she is scarily attractive in. Ty Lee eats with her. They talk. And Azula answers questions. But there is the inkling that nagged on her throughout the night that Azula wants nothing more than to end the day.

Ty Lee does not ask about her fourteen-year old self.

She falls asleep on the couch.

Thoughts of inconsistencies, possibilities, manipulation and that suspicious cup of dinner tea that made her dizzy falling into the deep pits of the forgotten. She visualizes the dark void eating the memories of today. She sees fists reaching out to jab repeatedly on an armored back.

She sees golden eyes filled with madness, pale, familiar lips snarling into stark raving rants.

The words, the hurtful words become a distant buzz.

 _Tell me, when did you stop fearing me?_

Ty Lee does not remember.

Ty Lee would not remember.

Ty Lee would never—

 **(TBC)**

… **.**

 **,**

 **,**

 **Azula's betrothal was an idea for Book Three that Bryke ultimately discarded, according to the wiki anyway. It would have been interesting to see that as a plot device in the original series but it probably would seem more like an unnecessary filler.**

 **The scatterbrained narration is an attempt to illustrate Ty Lee's confusion. It is hard to imagine being in her shoes right now. Her demeanor as you can see mostly depends on how much she remembers. Azula's behavior is a reflection of this as well.**

 **Thanks for the lovely feedback and the alerts/favorites. That is much appreciated. Do tell me what you think and thanks for reading.**


	3. Tuesday

.

THREE

.

.

 _TUESDAY_

.

.

Today she has a playdate with Princess Azula.

She remembers having gone home the previous night to her family's estate, lamenting the end of the day once again as the she bid her goodbye to the young royal. Azula is fun even though she can be quite mean at times. More than mean actually but Ty Lee does not think she can find an appropriate word for it. That same day, the princess has pushed her to the ground when Ty Lee performed a better cartwheel, her mocking laughter a cacophony of a box full of crickets. Not the most pleasant of sounds. Mai later said that she should have learned something from the experience, that she should have known. Ty Lee agreed. The Princess obviously did not appreciate being second.

"Come on, Azula! You are almost as good as me!"

Push. The second of the day. Two victims, no three. Mai was drenched. Ty Lee was cognizant. Zuko thought they—girls- were crazy. And Azula wore a sardonic grin, the closest that it would come to a happy one. "Almost is never good enough."

But Azula is fun. She is smart. She is funny. And she thinks of those silly pranks that Ty Lee ends up being conspirator to. Not that she really minds. It is not that unpleasant even if occasionally the not-so-friendly push comes to a painful shove. And Mai gets mad at her for just taking it all, for being such a pushover, a doormat. _You two are such…_ Ty Lee likes Azula. Ty Lee is naïve. Ty Lee is Azula's friend. Azula is Ty Lee's friend.

Forever.

She dreams of dark-haired princesses killing the bad guys, of apathetic bestfriends finally smiling at the sight of her most gallant prince. Ty Lee dreams of being a princess too, sitting on a throne of blue flames.

 _Blue?_

She wakes up with Princess Ursa hovering above her, the sight of cream-colored ceilings instead of the roof in her poster bed. The sheets smell different. And she does not hear the incessant chatter of her six other sisters during the mornings that she is used to, does not hear the drone of machinery that has defined the mornings of Caldera. Birds. The sound of nature. Princess Ursa. This morning, Ty Lee wakes up confused.

Blink. Darkness. Blink again. On closer inspection, the woman in the dark red robe who leans over her does not look like Ursa at all. The gold eyes, dark hair are there. Prominent cheekbones. Lush, red lips. The classically attractive features. But she does not look as perpetually sad and solemn as Azula's mother did, the kind woman with the calm voice, who always smiled at them. There is a crinkle of question in this woman's brows and the creases that formed on her beautiful face are sharper, more angular than even the stern, reprimanding countenance from the Princess Ursa she just saw yesterday. Her lips are not pouted demurely, curled and rough instead from present biting.

"It's time to wake up Ty Lee." The woman's voice interrupts her thoughts and the desperate attempt to match the familiar and motherly Ursa to this rather intimidating stranger dissolves. She speaks with a purr, with the authority Ursa herself does not wield. And the illusion and fantasy crash. Ty Lee feels a hand settle on her shoulders, rubbing circles. The caress feels somewhat familiar. "How much do you remember?"

For some reason, the question makes Ty Lee shrink to herself. Her form crumples, trying to draw distance.

In futility.

"Who are you?" she breathes instead, staring back in awe and managing to be calm as anyone could be. Is she kidnapped?

"It's me. Azula."

Ty Lee feels the bed shift downwards, weighed down by the shock. Her entire world falls and It is dragging her down but it must be her imagination because several tense seconds later, she discovers that they are still in the exact, same position. The woman holds her shoulder, waits. Ty Lee must have been frozen, her limbs unresponsive. "Do you remember me?" the woman prods gently. Poke. Ty Lee does not know why she thought there is something wrong with that tone.

"Azula…" she murmurs, disbelief escaping. For this is impossible. She just saw Azula yesterday. Frown. "But… you're all grown up!"

The moment Ty Lee hears the words she thought of spoken by another unfamiliar voice she freezes. She opens her mouth to test it once more but no sound come out.

However, the woman continues to be unperturbed. Ty Lee feels the hand grip her shoulders tighter. It is then that she realized that it had been trembling. "Hmmm.. Well, how old are you Ty Lee?" the woman asks. She sounds composed, well put-together. She sounds like a dependable adult.

And come to think of it…

"Azula?" Ty Lee is still confused. Because there is just no way. True, those are the same golden eyes that flickered at every ingenious scheme to put Zuko and Mai together, even if it has narrowed through age. The woman's forelocks are longer, hair cascading in a pool of dark tresses and freed from the boyish topknot that the Princess insists on sporting. One lock of hair falls on the space between her eyes, the rest of it disheveled from sleep. But this woman fulfills the promise of beauty that Ty Lee always saw on her young friend, the already glowing gem morphine to an even more brilliant diamond. This woman, though not really dressed like one… looks like a Princess. "Azula?"

The woman sighs. Long-suffering. "Believe it or not, it's me. Azula. Your friend." She softens her expression, looks at her expectantly. It is almost a smile. "Now, how old are you?"

Still stunned, Ty Lee finds herself murmuring. "Nine."

Ty Lee feels that she has given the wrong answer somehow.

"I see." Another sigh. Both hands are placed on her shoulders now and Azula's eyes are smoldering, intent. Ty Lee finds herself mesmerized. They are so beautiful. So beautiful.

Azula is so beautiful.

 _Watch this._

Sigh. "Let me tell you one thing, Ty Lee." She takes a deep breath. "You are twenty six now." Wait, what?

The woman that looks so much like her best friend and claims to be so does not even give her a chance to react.

"And I'm Azula." She repeats briskly. Ty Lee's breathing quickens. "You are my wife."

….

.

.

Ty Lee has an aunt who lives with another woman. At one point, she saw them kiss. Or perhaps their faces were just too close, like she saw the actors in Love Amongst the Dragons do onstage. When Ty Lee told the tale to her sisters, they did not believe her.

Frustrated because she became the week's laughingstock among the siblings, she had consulted Azula who is just about the smartest person she knew. The Princess had frowned, gave her a long look and asked. "Are you sure of what you have seen?" Her cold inquiry reminded her of one of the Academy's guidance counselors; whenever they think she deserves detention. But Azula was a thousand times scarier (and prettier). Guidance counselors cannot threaten to tell on her daddy to banish you and the rest of your peasant family. That is Azula's favorite word. Peasant.

"Of course, I am!" Ty Lee chirped, with as much indignation as she could muster. Then trailed off as Azula continued to stare skeptically, thin eyebrows raised.. "Or maybe I wasn't." She fisted her hands, describing with crude gestures what she had seen. She felt desperate. "But they did this!" Smooch sounds.

Mai was the second smartest person Ty Lee knew but her first suggestion was something that Ty Lee found ludicrous. "They couldn't be lovers!" she insisted, disgusted by the very idea. Mai just shrugged. She had not heard of any story involving two Princesses who love each other. Or a Princess charming rescuing a damsel in distress. That just sounded wrong.

And Azula had agreed.

And yet…

There were those rare times when Azula extended an arm to help her stand or when they chased each other around the garden or when they reenacted Love Amongst the Dragon by themselves because Zuko did not want to play. It was easy to imagine Azula with a flowing cape and a brilliant crown, wielding a lance while mounted on a majestic mongoose dragon. It was easy to pretend she was being saved by her knight even when Azula was kind of rough in their games. It was easy to want to be kissed goodnight even as Azula grumpily bid goodbye.

It was easy to pretend even if Azula is a girl.

 _You are my wife._

And even though it was hard to imagine how it could have happened, it was easy to be deliriously happy at the prospect that…

 _What?_

"I'm twenty-six."

 _What does being Princess Azula's wife mean?_

"For the last time…" Despite her words, this woman who claims to be Azula does not sound impatient at all, as Ty Lee feared she would be. They sit in a dining room that Ty Lee has never seen before. Featureless wooden table and two crickety chairs that groaned and shrieked on their weights. They definitely are not in the Imperial Palace. From what she has seen around the place so far—the stairs, the bedroom, the bath—it does not even qualify as a villa. "… yes, you're twenty-six."

"And you are Azula?"

"Do you doubt it?" the woman counters, taking a different approach instead of the laconic affirmative. But there is no hostility stemming from exasperation from her tone. Azula just sounds tired. The normal, nonthreatening, _tired._

In all appearances, it seems like Azula has grown up to be a relatively nice, albeit imposing adult.

"No." Ty Lee bows her head guiltily. Because in every passing minute that she takes in everything about the woman, it is also easy to be convinced that this stranger is in fact what Azula would look like how many?... seventeen years later.

But she does not have a crown, does not have the haggle of handmaidens following her every move, like Ty Lee imagined once Azula is of age and Ty Lee is the royal bestfriend. Despite her exceptional beauty and inherent elegance, this woman who claims to be Azula does not look like a Princess anymore.

And from what she saw in the mirror, the Ty Lee that she saw facing her—same hair, same eyes—does not look like any Princess' consort, does not look like Azula's wife. Can another woman become a princess' consort? The question reverberates around the walls that she has started erecting around her. But the way the woman looks at her, like she cares, like she… loves, makes it hard to keep them.

The aunt who lives with another woman? Yeah, that Is Ty Lee's favorite aunt. The eyes brimming with love, the quiet smile whenever she whispers into the other woman's ear.

This woman… this woman.

She really looks a lot like Princess Azula.

And Ty Lee remembers how her heart gallops, pounds, explodes in the few times that Azula made it easy for her to accept that she is having an illicit, forbidden, _wrong_ crush on the rather irresistible, conniving, beautiful Princess.

Ty Lee recalls the hope that flared when Mai said that her aunt and that woman who young Ty Lee watched kiss were lovers. The disappointment she felt and denied when Azula flinched and gagged in repulsion.

"And I'm your wife?"

Sigh. Grown-up Azula sounds like Mai, she thinks in fascination. Headshake. "You know, I could have just kissed you to prove my point."

 _Why wouldn't…?_ But panic raced down swifter than her own infatuation to the Princess of yesterday's playdate could. The dreams of kissing her. Being her wife. The secret thoughts that make her warm all over. The pleasant fantasies she forgets whenever she is in the presence of the cruel princess she calls her friend. The thought that everything could be her reality now feels wrong. Just wrong. Ty Lee is nine years old and she does not think of these, not consciously. The thoughts of kissing terrifies her more than the bigger picture. "Er…"

"But that would be like kissing a nine year old." Azula made a face that looks eerily the same when Ty Lee told her about her aunt. And she is suddenly filled with excitement about how familiar it is, even when everything else converges into the realm of the unknown "Disgusting."

Ty Lee has no words.

….

.

.

In as few words as possible, Ty Lee learns of her unimaginable situation.

She lives. She exists. She wakes up. She sleeps. She learns. She forgets. She does not remember enough. Sometimes, she does not remember at all. The past is an unreachable trench. The present a dark void. The future seems like an insurmountable slope.

Throughout it all, Azula holds her hand.

 _I will always take care of you._ Her promise. Their vow.

Everyday, Azula introduces herself as her wife.

Everyday, Ty Lee does not believe her.

Everyday, Ty Lee forgets what Azula told her yesterday.

And what's more? Azula is not Princess Azula anymore.

"I love you." Azula says, touching her once more. Ty Lee does not hesitate and crashes in the woman's arms. Because knowing hurts, overwhelms. As far as she knew, she was only a nine-year old girl yesterday, thoughts of matrimony a distant worry, amnesia even more alien. She does not want to think. She wills everything to be back the way she remembers, like a lucid nightmare dissolving to the comfort of wakefulness. That when she opens her eyes, she still has a playdate with Princess Azula and not trapped in the limbo of unknowing where she is twenty six and Azula's wife. "I wish you would always remember that."

But Ty Lee does not even remember whether Azula had ever said it before, whether Ty Lee has even felt it.

Whether Ty Lee believed it.

Ty Lee does not even remember what she should remember.

"Tell me about myself." She requests later as Azula seats both of them on the couch, with plates of uneaten cookies and a glass of milk to dip it into, reminiscent of their snacks back in the palace. Ty Lee does not even know Azula actually bakes. Princesses don't. Well, except Ursa but Azula has said that her mother was not always one. Unlike Azula who was born to rule or something like that. _We have servants._

"Well, you joined the circus."

"Really?" This catches her attention. Because Ty Lee went there with her friends once and she liked it, even when Azula had snorted about their "firebending master" because he bent fire that does not incinerate and Mai thought it was only slightly less boring than everything in the same tone she would describe a discussion about Fire Nation history. She likes it. She begins to guess. "I was an acrobat, aren't I?"

"Acrobat, contortionist, gymnast, whatever it is. To be quite frank Ty Lee, I am not even sure."

Despite herself, Ty Lee giggles. "All of the above." She playfully suggests.

She is delighted when Azula answers with an honest-sounding chuckle.

They talk. Ty Lee asks questions. Azula answers.

Ty Lee hears what she wants to hear.

….

.

.

Azula mentions offhandedly that they are running out of supplies. Lunch is but a piece from a loaf of bread and fried meat, prepared haphazardly with nothing special in mind. Which, if Azula does this everyday, there really must be nothing. The cooking oil drizzled, the smell wafted all around their little house but it is nowhere near what Ty Lee is used to. She tries to recall what they have yester… no, the yesterday she remembers back in the palace and is surprised that she cannot. Memory works funny. The chunk of ham is bland. The bread tastes like cardboard. In between slows chews, Ty Lee tries futilely to hide her distaste so as not to offend Azula.

But it is probably written all over her face.

There is a clang of silverware as Azula puts down her fork and Ty Lee involuntarily winces. She avoids the woman's gaze, faltering at the intense stare that does not resemble the sparkling golden orbs of her Princess. Azula looks older than most of the twenty-six year olds that Ty Lee remembers meeting. To be fair, she herself does not look so hot. Ty Lee did not recognize the face that stared back from the bathroom mirror, the weathered woman looking back in utter confusion. Because even in her dreams, Ty Lee always smiles, always sees the good in everything. But in the new facial muscles that she does not remember having, it almost hurts to do so.

The smile that graced Azula's face she could tell is as fake as everything else feels.

"Would you mind if I leave you alone for a few hours in the house Ty Lee?" The dishes are done. The table cleared. Ty Lee watches Azula rub her hands deftly on a kerchief, meticulously going through the spaces between her elegant fingers. Not manicured, Ty Lee notes. The kitchen is immaculate, nowhere near the shiny brilliance of the palace dining hall and yet it captures the simplicity and comfort of everyday life. Ty Lee realizes that she does not mind this, that she could live with this.

She did apparently. For seven years.

And Azula. Princess Azula did too.

"I'll just go get some supplies." Azula explains, eyeing the incredulous look on the amnesiac's face. She rolls her eyes. "We are running out of milk."

"Can I join you?" The thread of hope dangles. Perhaps she would be able to remember something, if confronted by the sight of the future. She thinks of the trees that might be taller, the edifices built and establishments torn down. The aged shopkeeper. The advancing world. Where are they anyway? Caldera? No, that's not it. Too quiet.

She shakes her head. Azula looks apologetic. Ty Lee bows her head in disappointment. "I can't, can't i?"

"Just trust me in this, Ty Lee. It would do you no good." Azula reaches for her, raking through her unbraided hair. The touch is comforting, familiar. Ty Lee desperately leans on the sensation, on the caresses that she never knew would come from the girl who pushed her down too many times to count. "I will always take care of you."

Too soon, she lets go. And the door closes behind the departing woman. Ty Lee catches a glimpse of heavy foliage, grassy clearing and a hood being pulled up before she is alone once more.

The lock clicks.

The house is quiet.

Ty Lee decides to explore the house, the home they have shared for the longest time, for more than quarter of her lifetime.

Seven years, she thinks. Azula had said that they have been pledged together when they were nineteen. "It was not an arranged marriage, isn't it?" she had asked hopefully, remembering the horror stories she heard from every aunt stuck with a too busy husband and a whining spoiled offspring. Her sisters had agonized over the impending matchmaking ceremony to be held once they turn thirteen, where reputedly they had to be in those suffocating dresses and be in their best behavior. It sounded easy enough, two souls meeting under the obscurity of veils and paper partitions first. Except that the mystery was not worth solving when you end up marrying a nobleman twice your age.

Which is not to say that Ty Lee still could not delude herself to see the silver lining. Mai had Zuko and it did not seem so bad. Mai, who hates everything actually likes it, her aura almost flaring from her usual dingy gray. Azula had mentioned that Mai is Fire Lady now, married to Zuko and they may or may not have a daughter, Azula herself is not sure. In the past several years, a lot of things happened. Ty Lee supposedly followed Azula through thick and thin, through glory and exile and Azula have done so for her in sickness and in health.

 _I will always take care of you._

Till death do us part.

So maybe it is not a fairytale ending where she gets to host endless parties and reign over her courtiers with a loving, golden hand, with the nice pink dress and gleaming Fire Crown. Maybe she is not a Princess. Maybe Azula is not enjoying the life she was born to live. But Ty Lee thinks that if not for the fact that she does not remember anything that matters, it would have been good enough. Not perfect. But good enough.

She could live with that.

But the sense of foreboding does not get away. How could you successfully lead a life you don't even remember half a time?

"No. it is not an arranged marriage." Azula had sounded amused, the beginnings of laughter bubbling under the stoic surface. For some reason, this makes Ty Lee warm. "We did not have a chance for such luxury."

Seven years. Seven years of waking up forgetting yesterday. Ty Lee sits on the bed she realizes now that they shared all this time, tracing through the made covers and trying to see if the unchanged sheets would remind her of something. The musky, vaguely pleasant scent sparks a series of images. Touches. Heat. Gold eyes. Moans. Darkness. But too soon before she can make sense of it, it is gone.

Seven years and Azula has willingly answered questions when asked, singlehandedly keeping a semblance of a normal life between the two of them even when she is no longer a princess and Ty Lee is but a useless liability. But surely she would have tried to help? Surely, she would have hated the helplessness, the feeling of holding through a fistful of sand every single time. Surely, she would have seen the pain and exhaustion in Azula's face even as she tried to hide it with a smile, the phoniest that Ty Lee has ever seen from the deceptive princess.

Seven years. What she would have done in seven years?

What would she do when she wakes up forgetting everything you have done the previous day for the past seven years?

What would she do if she also knew that it happens, without fail, without the hope of a cure every single time?

And suddenly it feels so obvious, so clear to her that she momentarily chides herself for not thinking of asking Azula. Because surely Azula must have thought of it too. Azula thinks of everything. She might just have forgotten. Perhaps she will show it to her later.

"I'd write a journal." She murmurs to herself as the door to what Azula calls her office creaks open at her command. A secretaire, a table and an ornate chair. This one at least, looks like a decent facsimile of an exquisite study, like the one her father usually locks himself in. One wall is fully dominated by a towering bookshelf, littered with books of various subjects. There is a brown portfolio set atop the mess of newspaper on the bureau. A scrapbook. She leafs through the pages, inscribed with memories that confirms what Azula has already told her. Wedding picture. Circus poster. But no journal or even a letter to herself. "I'm sure I would have thought of it."

Ty Lee never forgot (well, wrong choice of words, she thinks grimly) to write on her own diary. Daily, as she religiously pored over the adventures she has had for the day and mull over how amazing life is despite or maybe because of everything. There are entries devoted mostly to her friends, family and even the dog that she feeds every day on the way to the Palace Gates. But when you live in a crowded place and share a room with six other nosy people you cannot trust, you just have to hide it.

Wait…

Maybe.

Not that she cannot trust Azula because she does. Azula is everything to her now but surely she would have left a message to herself, to remind her forgetful self the next day that whatever Azula says, if in any case she doubts it, is true.

That she is her wife.

That Ty Lee loves her.

And that Azula for some reason does too.

But who knows?

She knows, somewhere inside her that she couldn't not leave everything up to Azula.

She would have helped herself, even if it is through guiding a future self that does not even remember her.

Yesterday… or what she remembers as yesterday, she won the hide and explode game.

She is as good as hiding as she is on hiding things, isn't she?

She searches.

The bathroom is nowhere near their own bath back in her family estate but she is sure, as she is only certain of her name right now that somewhere in the toilet waits a letter she made for herself. A message. In her mind's eye, she sees herself tiptoeing to reach the highest cardboard, with a… notebook in one hand. Perhaps, she just does not want to embarrass herself to Azula that is why she hid it. Yes, that makes sense. It would not be the first time.

And Ty Lee is gripped by the excitement that perhaps it would help her remember…

…

.

.

..

.

.

 _ **Do not trust Azula.**_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

She sits on the toilet seat, holding in her trembling fingers a parchment bearing the ominous words.

 _Do not trust Azula._

She has found it in the same place as she hid her own journal back in her childhood home, precariously stuck inside one of the corner cupboards, barely visible unless you are specifically looking for it. Except that what she found does not meet her expectations at all. A notebook filled with an autobiography. Or even an elaborately decorated stationary perfumed and phrased to reassure her future self that everything is fine, that Azula _will always take care of her._

But instead what she holds in her hands is but a brown piece of parchment no thinner than the tissue paper they use to clean themselves (because maybe it is). The ink used runs, scattered over the rough surface to convey words that are barely legible but with a squint could be read:

 _Do not trust Azula._

Nothing more.

Ty Lee does not even recognize the handwriting.

But seventeen years has passed, for all she knows…

"Ty Lee!" A holler. The lock lifts. Footsteps. "I'm home!"

Overcame by instinct, Ty Lee crumples the incriminating paper, flushes it down. The drainage bubbles and the cryptic message dissolves. It takes her several seconds to realize that she regrets it.

But it could not be true.

Azula is the only she can ever trust.

How much did she remember when she wrote that?

 _Do not trust Azula._

…

.

.

No.

No.

No.

There is no way that she could not trust Azula.

"I just came from the green grocers." She drawls as she carefully and meticulously arranged her purchases in the many cabinets that are fixed in the kitchen. An ice box with meat, bread, some vegetables. A big bottle of goat's milk. "There is a village a mile from here. One of the Fire Nation provinces. Thought they could outsmart me. Ha! They should know better."

The self-effacing gloat makes Ty Lee smile with relief, watching as the woman gingerly goes over supplies with the fluidity of someone used to it. Seven years, she thinks. She has been doing it for seven years so of course she would be used to it. Azula has been taking care of her for a long time. How could Ty Lee not trust her?

Whoever wrote that was insane.

Yes, definitely insane.

Was there a side effect to amnesia? Ty Lee does not know. Nothing really makes sense anymore.

Only Azula does.

Ty Lee thinks she saw Azula beam proudly at her. And she feels her heart pound, feels herself relish to the suddenly familiar sensation.

She must be…

She must be…

"So what have you done all afternoon?" Azula sounds curious once she is done putting away the biodegradables safely where it would not rot. (Why does that sound familiar?) She takes the seat before Ty Lee, watching her as she took small bites from an apple. She rests her chin on her palm. "How did you keep yourself busy?"

"I looked around." She replies, smiling back. "I found a scrapbook."

She trusts Azula.

She does not tell her about the tissue. She does not tell her about what is written in there.

She does not need to know.

"Oh? Right. I should have shown you that earlier."

"It's okay. It didn't really help much." She feels herself blush because as clear as the knowledge that she is already an adult, Ty Lee still remembers being a child like it is yesterday. Because it is yesterday. To her, anyway. "It just confirmed what you told me."

"Oh?" Ty Lee thinks Azula sounds disappointed. "It's really hard to stimulate you."

She says this with such resignation, with such surrender that Ty Lee shudders.

Surely, Azula has not given up on her?

But it has been seven years. Seven years.

 _Do not trust Azula._

"But, you know Azula I do have an idea." She perks up at Azula's startled jerk, at her surprised expression. She put that look on her face. Ty Lee put that look on Azula's face. "I can keep a journal and you can remind me to write on it everytime"

"A journal?"

"It's like a diary." She explains. She must have sounded a little too overenthusiastic but Ty Lee does not really care anymore. "I can write all about what I remember at the end of the night. And I can read it in the mornings. I think it would make everyday and everything easier. That way, you do not have to tell the story all over again and who knows, it might like you know, make it easier for me to remember…" She trails off.

Azula is silent for a full minute. Ty Lee waits with bated breath. "That's a hopeful cause." She finally says.

"Isn't it a good idea?" She is suddenly afraid that Azula will reject the whole notion. But it really is. It really is a good idea. Right?

 _Right?_

"It is." With relief, Ty Lee finally bursts into a grin. "We can start today if you like. I can find you one of my older notebooks and I can buy you a new one once I go into town next week."

"For real? We can start today?"

"Sure." She drones, smirking. "I think it's a very good idea."

Ty Lee feels her cheeks redden. "I'll make sure to mention how wonderful you are."

Azula's triumphant smirk is what ultimately makes Ty Lee's day.

"That's an even better idea."

 **(TBC)**

 **I apologize for the formatting but FFN is a bit ridiculous in their HTMLs.**

 **How wonderful Azula is? I believe it is my cue to scoff. Though no matter how untrustworthy she is turning out to be, Ty Lee's subconscious is still head over heels in love with our Princess. Now, why is that?**

 **Thanks for reading, the reviews from the previous chapters, the alerts/favorites and do tell me what you think of this chapter.**

 **In other news, Smoke and Shadows is out. That one panel with Ty Lee mentioning Azula gave me hope somehow. Her noncommital "Something like that." made me expect a lot even though I should not.**


	4. Wednesday

.

.

FOUR

.

.

.

 _Wednesday_

.

.

Kyoushi Island mornings are a gem.

But this morning is not one. And the highly-trained warrior in Ty Lee immediately notices the lack of sea in the atmosphere, the quiet of her surrounds and the Azula that does not look the same as the last time that she has seen her. She is no longer bound in a straightjacket, no longer beholding any sight with crazed, dilated eyes. Instead this Azula that calmly sits crosslegged across the bed has her eyebrows raised, sipping tea.

Ty Lee is suddenly sure that this is a dream.

Dreams of a past where the war is but a source of memorable glory where beautiful and clever princesses thrive. Where war is not a catalyst of pain and eventual betrayal as a neglected child slowly unravels in her most powerful. Azula had sat, content and blissful after the deed as Ty Lee asked. _What does this mean to you?_ It means whatever you want it to be, Azula had said, eyes closed. And Ty Lee was gripped with frustration because even she had not known what she wanted, what she thought of _them_.

Dreams of a future when Azula meets redemption and Ty Lee would finally be allowed entrance to the one-way mirror that separated them, take the Princess into her arms and go far, far away where she would stop fearing her and Azula will start loving her. Because the world is already out of her reach. She has nothing. Ty Lee has nothing so they might as well have each other. But the first time she visited was the last time and she went back to the welcome respite offered by Kyoushi Island, leaving the unpleasant memories behind her. By then, she already knew what she wanted. But she fears Azula and has never stopped. Ty Lee is a coward.

She fears Azula's rejection.

But seeing her now as she always imagined her to be. Well and sane. Yes, Ty Lee is very sure that this is just a dream.

A pleasant dream.

Ty Lee does not want to wake up.

"Good morning Ty Lee." Her unforgettably sultry voice greets and Azula stands, dressed only in a red robe with as far as Ty Lee can tell, nothing else underneath. This is her vision, the sane, cured Azula waking her up every morning, the wife that is not meant to be except in the illusions of dreams.

"Azula?" She tries to keep the glee off her voice, the excitement. This is just a dream. Just a dream. But why does it feel so real? "Er, good morning Azula!"

"How much do you remember?" The question confuses her for a moment and she frowns.

"What do you mean…?" she voices with a breathless drawl, staring at Azula's inquisitive gaze because suddenly, it looks a little bit… hopeful? "… how much I remember?"

She looks to her left. A mirror. A significantly older version of herself. Hair unbraided, some lines marring her once flawless features. It is not exactly how Ty Lee had imagined herself aging, especially not in the presence of her perfectionist Princess, so impeccable, so beautiful. But this is just a dream. And she does not have any control in this world. She looks back at Azula, who has her eyebrows raised, waiting, staking out her wordless prompt.

If she acknowledges that this is a dream, would she wake up?

Would this sane, clear-eyed, calm and composed Azula dissolve and be replaced once again of her nightmares of the raving lunatic she left back in her homeland?

Or worse, would reality come crashing back again and she would wake to the island of Kyoushi, thousands of miles away from the girl she always slept thinking about?

Would she wake up lonely once more?

Would she-?

This is just a dream.

A dream.

A dream.

A drea-

"Are you okay?" The voice again and Ty Lee is snapped out of her momentary stupor. Is that possible? In a dream, can you wake up from a daydream? Azula is warily keeping her distance, head still cocked in askance. She looks like she wants to reach out, wants to touch. In response, Ty Lee just smiles, holds out her hand.

"Ty Lee—" Azula hesitates, eyeing the outstretched arm. Frown. "Are you sure-?"

Ty Lee crosses the distance in three large steps. "I miss you Azula." She gathers the startled girl in her arms, buries her face on the slightly taller woman's neck. She smells like home, the musky, unique of the love that they consummated the first time before the Invasion and she is struck on how it feels so real, how tangible Azula feels.

How could she touch her now, in a dream when all those years even in the kisses, the touches, the sex, the walls are so high up that even as Ty Lee leaped bounds and scaled barbed wires, she could not even reach her?

When in the past she could not even touch the heart that soon broke under pressure?

 _But you were the one who broke it, weren't you?_

 _You must have touched it._

 _You must have touched it and it burned and burned and burned until there is nothing that stopped the monster from breaking out._

 _Until there is nothing holding her back from slipping._

She breaks the hold and looks at the Princess' shocked golden eyes. "Let's do something today." She suggests as cheerfully as she could, trying to keep her heart from beating too fast, focusing her energy on keeping this realistic fantasy going. Because only in sleep would her dreams come true. Only in sleep would Azula be less of the monster that she has become to be.

She does not understand why Azula looks so confused.

This is just a dream. This is just a dream. Don't go away. Don't go away. Don't go away.

Azula steps back.

Ty Lee grabs her hand.

"No. no I mean, we could do whatever you like, Princess. I mean…" She is stuttering, panicking. Because this could not be those other times when her perfect image of Azula vanishes. Where the manic laughter of the deposed royal she has betrayed would break the beauty of her delusions and make way for the horrors of her waking fear. "Just don't leave me alone. Please don't."

She does not want to wake up.

Not from this.

Not when Azula is…

"I wouldn't." Azula's voice is reassuring, leveled and Ty Lee feels a gentle hand squeeze her shoulder. She still looks bewildered though and Ty Lee evades her space once more, crashing back in her arms. "My, my. You really are rather affectionate today Ty Lee.

"I miss you." She murmurs back the words that she cannot tell to the shell of the person Azula has become. The straitjacket. The wide, golden eyes. The vicious snarl. The lips that once kissed her now screaming the words that do not make her aura so pink anymore.

 _Traitor!_

This dream… this world she is in now. Where Azula is not the Princess who wants to kill her own brother for her father's approval, where she does not have to burn a whole kingdom to be admired. Where Ty Lee is not so in love that she has to let go and is not so afraid to get her back.

In the real world, Azula is still not ready for her love, for anyone's love.

Perhaps she will never be.

While Ty Lee is not ready for her rejection.

But has now long since prepared herself to lose her.

This dream… this world.

This is a world… this is a world…

This is a world that she is not meant to have.

But she wants to keep holding on it, for as long as she could.

"I miss this too." She hears Azula say as slowly she feels strong arms disentangle her own from her body. There is a curious glint in the Princess' eyes as fingers touch cheeks, as hair brushes skin. Ty Lee waits for her to lean down. Azula does.

Their lips meet.

And her heart pounds, protests, roars so loud she is sure that Azula will be gone the moment she opens her eyes.

But Azula is still there. And the sun shines from behind her, ethereal and absolutely stunning.

"Come downstairs with me." She coaxes, pulling on Ty Lee's arm. "I prepared breakfast. Your favorite."

….

.

"Just in case, you are thinking about it…" Azula says as she carefully set down elaborately decorated sweet, sugar cakes, complete with pink icing on top. A cup of coffee was already brewed as well, creamed and with lots of sugar. Dream-Azula is dressed in an apron, her hair pulled back by a red hairband. The image is not something that Ty Lee dreamed of before but she decides that it does not look so outlandish.

After all, in this world Azula is the loving wife she probably would never be.

"… this is not a dream." She finishes as Azula places her own plate on a seat in front of Ty Lee. It is a small wooden table, made only for two. The kitchen is nothing magnificent as well. But Ty Lee would not have it any other way. Ty Lee would not have Azula any other way.

She has always been in love, always been infatuated with the idea of Azula more than Azula herself.

"Of course you would say that." She giggles and takes a bite. Not bad. She takes one more and another and another. In her dreams, there are those little things that always clarifies that Azula is still not perfect. _Because perfection destroyed her._ Like how she cannot cook without burning it or how Ty Lee is still the one who fixes her hair. How she still makes those awkward jokes. How Ty Lee still laughs at them even if they are not funny. "Yes, of course you would say that this is not a dream."

Frown. Azula gives her a long look. Like she is some nutjob. Ty Lee resists the urge to remind her that she was the one admitted in an asylum. "I'm serious."

"Of course you are, Princess." Ty Lee says cheerily, taking another bite. "This is good."

"You're twenty six." Azula continues. This time, she looks really baffled, an expression that is usually never seen painted on the normally complacent Princess. "And I am your wife. Don't you find that odd at all?"

"No." Ty Lee responds. Would it all be over if she acknowledges that this is all a dream? Ty Lee finds that she does not want to risk that. "It is exactly how I imagined it would be."

"We don't live in the palace."

"That's fine."

"You are not Fire Lady."

"Even better." Ty Lee smiles. "It's not like I ever wanted to be Fire Lady anyway."

"I did want to be Fire Lord." She thinks she hears a slight note of accusation in Azula's voice.

Ty Lee is seized by apprehension. No. Don't go away. Don't go away. Don't go away.

"Some things aren't meant to be, Azula." Like this, she thinks. She keeps an eye on the slowly darkening countenance of her Princess, her dream, watching if she will soon be replaced by the nightmare of the gnashing beast calling her treacherous. Ty Lee refuses to let go. "But I did tell you once and I will tell you once more. I love you, Azula."

Dreams. How pathetic. She could only tell it to Azula when she is not even real anymore.

But Azula's face softens. She munches silently and sighs. "I love you too."

Ty Lee exhales in relief.

"So what is the last that you remember?" The question again. Azula has her head tilted sideways, brows creased. She sounds interested. "I mean, when you woke up. Or let me rephrase: what did you do yesterday?"

She trained with the Kyoushi Warriors, she wants to tell her. She wants to tell her dream everything, her fears, her worries, her short reprieve from all of those. But this world is not under her control. In her dreams, it is an uncertainty when it would spiral down to a nightmare, when she would wake to the pain of reality.

So she evades the question. "Well, what did you do yesterday, Azula?"

She hopes that this would divert the situation from her acknowledging the truth of the matter aloud. That this is just a dream. This is just a dream. Not real. Not real. Not real.

Don't go away.

"Yesterday, hmmm… let's see, I was taking care of my amnesiac wife who thought she was nine." What Azula says makes no sense and Ty Lee is gripped with worry. Is it starting? Is it starting? She looks for a sign that her dream Azula has already morphed into the insanity of her real self. But Azula stays immaculate and resolute as ever, just waiting for her reaction. She resumes. "I thought that I will be taking care of a confused wife again which I don't mind. But suddenly, she accepts everything like nothing happened. It would have been a welcome change except that I am the confused one now."

"What in the world are you saying, Azula?" This does not make sense at all. Is Azula…? Is Azula?

She looks for signs.

She does not seem like she is slipping.

Like all her previous dreams did.

Azula shrugs, crosses her arms, raises an eyebrow. "The days in the asylum are several years ago for me Ty Lee." She pauses. "I do not think I am crazy."

"You know about that?" Her dream Azula is not supposed to have experienced that!

"Of course I do." She sounds offended. "I am not the one who has amnesia."

And in that instant, it all falls down to Ty Lee. The kiss, the scent, the Azula that feels so real.

She is not dreaming.

This is not a dream.

Not a dream?

"Amnesia?"

And in a second, Azula is beside her as Ty Lee finds herself beginning to heave breaths, hyperventilate.

"I'm sorry." She hears Azula whisper in her ear, feels her lips on her cheeks, her kisses on her tears. This is not a dream. This is not a dream. This is real. And Azula, crazy Azula that was just on Fire Nation Asylum last time she heard, has her arms wrapped around her trembling frame.

Ty Lee has amnesia.

Twenty-six.

Wife.

 _Don't you find that odd?_

"I will always take care of you."

….

.

She did not faint.

But she must have blacked out.

She does not remember how she got into their (their!) bed, with Azula smoothing her hair and tracing circles on her sweaty palms. But the feel of the cold compress on her forehead feels real enough, like the touches, the smell of Azula and the occasional kisses that her… twenty-six year old… wife brushes on her skin. The blankets stink of sex, like that time before and after the invasion. Her presence ignites something in Ty Lee and she melts because isn't this something that she has always wanted?

Dreams are not supposed to make sense but thinking this is one is more sensible than recognizing the fact that her reality eleven years into the future is being the wife of an Azula that does not look so crazy (and looks so perfect) and her not even remembering how everything that seems so shambled when she was fifteen come to this perfection of a married life.

She purses her lips and she feels Azula place hers over it. Ty Lee feels herself fervently respond, feels her own limbs snake around the leaning woman, drawing her closer, closer, closer… just to feel her, feel that she is real and she would never go away like the last time and that Ty Lee would never let her go.

They break off, kiss again and again and again until breathing becomes a priority and Ty Lee ends up with her head propped on Azula's chest as she asks for the first time. "What happened?"

Azula shifts, pulls her closer. "You obviously know what happened to put me in the asylum."

"Did you escape?" Ty Lee always knew… feared that this is a possibility.

"You helped me to."

Ty Lee gasps.

No, that is impossible.

She could not have…

"I'm joking." Azula chuckles at Ty Lee's incredulous, wide-eyed stare. She rolls her golden eyes. "Would you have let me out, Ty Lee?"

Is that a trick question? "I think I'm too much of a coward for that, Azula."

"Oh, really?" Her tone is light, almost amused. "Afraid that I will try to take over the world again?"

"No. I am scared of you. You. Only you."

"If I come back at you and Mai for betraying me back then?" Azula sounds like she wants to know.

"Something like that." Is her noncommitant reply, snuggling closer. Because she wants to relish this, to savor everything about the very real Azula she initially thought that only existed in her most fantastical dreams.

"Liar." Azula says but she does not push Ty Lee off like she half expects her to.

"I'm afraid that you would reject me."

"Ah. The inevitable confrontation, you mean."

Ty Lee realizes that Azula knows what she means, what she has dreaded all the time in Kyoushi Island. "Did that happen?"

"I had doubts, yes." Azula does not elaborate.

"So…" she proceeds, trying to overcome the growing hesitation. "…how did you escape?"

"Actually, Zuzu let me out."

Oh. That does not sound too bad. "Really? That's nice of—"

"Well, that's after you chi-blocked me for the second time. I'm not joking. We totally planned that out to force Zuzu's hands."

"What?" She pushes herself up to look at Azula who has her eyes closed halfway. "I chi-blocked you?" Again?

"That was all part of the plan. Don't worry."

Ty Lee does not believe, could not believe that.

Azula opens her eyes. "A wise man learns from experience. It's the fool who learns from mistakes. Either way, I have been chi-blocked once and I know what happens when it wears off." Pointedly, she holds Ty Lee's eyes, lips thinning into a smirk. "You do know that too, right, Ty Lee?"

 _Your limbs become more flexible than you can imagine,_ she thinks, remembering her own training, the agony of paralysis for several hours before you feel the most fluid than you have ever been, joints turning to jelly to slink out of every restraint.

"You got rid of the straitjacket." Ty Lee states, eyes wide with the dawning comprehension. Yesterday, she was just in Kyoushi Island, promising herself that she did not want, could not see Azula ever again. And yet… she would find more than a decade later that not only had she done the same deed that had been the catalyst of their tacit breakup but that it was all part of a connivance that brought them back together. Here.

In a dream that suddenly came true.

Azula tells her about long-lost mothers, spirits, a civil war and bounty hunters. About incompetent Fire Lords, a naïve Avatar, an infamous war criminal who chose to exile herself with her amnesiac wife because the Fire Nation stopped being a country she dreamed of ruling. Ty Lee learns about reunions, elopements and the honeymoons that ceased to be bliss the moment that Ty Lee started to forget her own marriage. She learns of their past—the future after she vowed to stop loving the real Azula and live in a dream because Azula is supposed to be the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl in the world so that filthy, incoherent, broken one must be an impostor, right? The future where everything would have been perfect if Ty Lee did not hit her head.

Azula left her mark on her and when she disappeared through the throes of insanity, in her wake she punched a hole in her heart, the hollowness of something that would always be missing. The abundance of comrades should have filled it, Joining the Kyoushi Warriors—sisters who have shared her woes and problems—should have dulled the ache. And yet the hole stubbornly stayed unpatched, temporarily filled only with the illusions of kisses, touches, smiles from an unforgettable, irreplaceable princess.

Ty Lee wakes up today and finds that she is finally living the reality of that dream.

And yet, she thinks as their lips meet once more. Why does she still feel empty?

Why does she feel like she is missing something?

She searches for the answer through more kisses, through daring touches, through Azula and Ty Lee's naked bodies, through fingers inside her, through a tongue battling her own. And through the sweat and musk that their mutual orgasm leaves, through the undoing that Azula's husky, sweet nothings cause,. But in the end as they lay together, Ty Lee finds that this dreamed reality does not seem to mean much to her anymore.

…

.

.

Ty Lee mechanically goes through the coordinated motions of sex and by the third time that she comes undone for the day, Azula notices.

"You don't want this." She murmurs, pushing herself off Ty Lee's prone body who finds that she feels so numb, so spent to cry out and protest that no, this is what she wants. And this is always what she wanted, dreamed of and please, please do not go away.

But Azula finishes dressing back and Ty Lee does not even make a move, does not utter so much of a noise.

"You must be hungry." Azula mentions, her perfunctory tone back as if she did not sound almost livid a minute ago. She tosses Ty Lee's clothes back to the bed and it is purely instinct that she gets up to catch them. "I'll make us lunch."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Shamefully, Ty Lee bows down. "It's just that, this is just too much for me to take. What I remember does not really correspond with what I imagined to be my future, my real future that is. Not the dreams." She rubs her forehead.

She feels a weight shift on mattress. Azula puts a hand on her shoulder but does not get any closer. "That is a typical reaction. But life is unpredictable. I'm sorry that you have to go through this every single day."

"I'm sorry too." Ty Lee replies, putting her own over the hand placed on her shoulder. "I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you too.'

"I got used to it."

"And because I do not even remember yesterday, I probably never would. Get used to it, I mean." She pauses as Azula says nothing to counter her mounting depression. Ty Lee sighs. "The last thing I remember is promising myself that I would never see you again and yet here we are."

Azula does not seem a bit miffed but she has her eyes shut. "I am hoping you do not regret it." She says this easily, almost in a joking manner.

"Of course not." It is not Ty Lee's intention for that to come out falsely. Her eyes widen, watching as Azula's face slowly darken. "No, Azula. I mean…"

"That's okay." She responds coolly and this time, Ty Lee can tell that the once ferocious Princess is holding back a snarl. The arm in her shoulder is withdrawn and there is that familiar thousand yard stare once again, deep breaths before finally saying. "I am used to it."

Ty Lee feels guilty. She did not mean that. Because this is what she wants, right? No, don't go away. Don't go away. _Don't go away._ "Azula, I—"

She stands.

"I'll make us lunch."

She does not give Ty Lee a chance.

The door slams close.

 _But oh, little girl…_

 _She went away again._

….

.

It is not supposed to be like this.

It is not supposed to happen like this.

But that is only because reality is never perfect. Ty Lee says the wrong things. Ty Lee has amnesia. Azula's psyche is still as fragile as ever. Perhaps, seven years of being suspended into nothing more than her caregiver makes her crazier than she was when she wanted to murder her attendants.

Because Azula _caring, sulking without lashing, being denied of anything,_ is just out of this world.

Maybe this really is a dream.

But her heavy heart, her fear to go back down and apologize to a probably seething firebender feels real enough.

For the next two hours, Ty Lee stays inside the bed room, listening to the pitters patters of Azula busying herself around the… their kitchen. She could not smell the cooking so she could not really guess what it is. But the clanging of the silverwares is testament enough to an elaborate dish. Firebenders make the best chefs in the world, she thinks. Azula is a genius so perhaps it is not so farfetched for her to learn enough to feed an ailing wife.

She finds a notebook placed in the bedside drawer (along with some trinkets that is not at all befitting of even the less illustrious of the nobles), a quill stuck in between the pages. A journal, with her name haphazardly signed at the front page as though a child wrote it. The calligraphy is uncomplicated, just the most basic of katakana that they learned as early as the first level in the Royal Academy. There is only one entry, five pages long and written in the same childish scrawl as she saw in the introduction. It tells her of what little she knows of the situation, guesses that Ty Lee is probably reading this journal without any memory of writing it.

The date yesterday. A smiley. And two stick figures, holding hands. She recognizes the doodle as that one she usually drew in the flyleaf of her math books, of her and Azula, back when everything that concerned the Princess—the beating heart, the blushing—can be attributed to a harmless crush.

She hears her own voice narrate it as she reads. She hears her own voice introduce herself as a nine-year old Ty Lee.

 _Don't freak out when you read this but that woman saying she is Azula, she totally is. And she is just wonderful. She cooks, she helps me bathe and she answers all your questions no matter how silly they are, which is more than what I can say about all those other adults that I can remember. Azula says that it really varies. For all we know, you might wake up thinking you are two years old. I asked. Azula said it happened once. She seems amused about it but I doubt she would want a repeat. Anyway, it is weird calling my tomorrow self "you" because I am sending this to myself and I am the one reading it. You know what I mean? It is just so freaky but as I said, don't freak out. I mean, you can totally trust Azula._

A summary of the day's events. What they had for dinner. Her being a circus performer. Azula being the most wonderful thing ever.

 _I mean, this is like a dream come true. Except the not-remembering-part. That is just horrible. Poor Azula. But she always tries to make it easier, like using as few words as possible so that my head won't spin. And answering all the questions. She also made me my favorite. And she is helping me write this. She is looking over my shoulder right now and corrects my spelling and straightens the pen. She tells me things that I may have missed. And well, isn't she amazing?_

A dream come true, her nine year old self described the situation because clearly, she did not know any better. She did not know how Azula would turn out for the worse just mere five years later- three years alone with a megalomaniac for a father. She did not hear Azula's command to let them rot. She did not see how the once great and perfect Princess be demoted into a lunatic bound in a straitjacket. The nine-year old Ty Lee did not promise herself to finally let go, to just move on and never see her dream dissolve into a nightmare.

Obviously all she knew, _yesterday,_ was of an infatuation to a young prodigy whose cruelty did not reach the point where she would threaten her oldest friend with lightning, where she would suggest killing an entire race to gain her father's approval.

A dream come true.

A dream come true.

Is being with Azula, after seeing her slowly dwindle down to the monster she feared herself being, really something that Ty Lee always wanted? Is it being a reality too much? Or does she really prefer the safety of dreaming where anytime that she wants to escape, she can just wake up?

She does not know.

Perhaps, she would never know.

Because the moment that she goes to sleep today, it is all over.

And she would wake up, see Azula and _freak out._

Ty Lee grabs the quill and starts to write.

…..

.

"I'm sorry." She wraps her arms around Azula, resting her cheek on the Princess' stiff back. She pauses from adjusting the stove, the blue spark in her fingers fizzling out. Ty Lee holds tighter, taking the smell of cherry and smoke all in and does not let go. "I love you."

She feels Azula's stiff frame slacken, feel her slightly taller body lean against hers. Her head craned, nose buried on locks of disheveled brown hair. Fingers rise to hold Ty Lee's chin and in a moment, Azula is facing her, lips close to her own.

They meet.

Kiss. Again. And again.

Her soft mouth presses urgently against Ty Lee's, molding into a dance that feels like a dream and yet so, so real. Their hands intertwine, one arm wrapped around the Firebender's neck. And her tongue moves, battling against the one insisting entrance. Azula's smell is intoxicating, her needy pants music to her ears. But Azula goes no further and it is Ty Lee who takes the initiative.

They fall into each other on the kitchen table and the rough, wooden surface on her back jolts a memory that makes her certain that this has happened before. Azula trails kisses on her neck and Ty Lee cups her breasts through the apron. She smells burning, the stench of scorched meat. Ty Lee moans in halfhearted protest and Azula snaps her fingers.

She screams her release, propped against where they usually share their meals, where they start their day over coffee. But lunch is entirely forgotten and ruined. Azula sheepishly throws the blackened ham in the trashbin, shaking her head while Ty Lee just smiles contentedly as she slips back in her robes, joking something about it being all worth it.

If this is a dream… if this is really a dream…

She wants to remember this for the rest of her life.

The already dressed raw fish would suffice for now. Still soaked in their combined body fluids, Azula prepares bowls and plates of food, making sure that the water set on Ty Lee's glass is the purified one she boiled this morning. The ease in which Azula busies herself around the house is endearing to Ty Lee and her heart swells with something that she cannot identify. Perhaps, this reality is not so bad after all. Perhaps, her nine year old self is right. Azula is just wonderful.

Azula raises the temperature of the room. Ty Lee remarks. "You can still firebend."

"Zuzu never had a chance to have the Avatar remove it." She replies as she puts down the sauce between their places. Ty Lee glances at the sushi. It looks well made.

"He never did look for you?"

"Oh, yes he did." She shrugs airily. "But me terrorizing him for my claim of the throne is several years ago in the past. He might have given up."

"Zuko does not give up."

Azula frowns. It appears, that there indeed is no love lost between the two estranged siblings. "Maybe, he thinks I am dead. I don't care. I don't know." There is a dangerous glint in Azula's eyes and it takes Ty Lee a huge chunk of her composure not to cower. "Were you hoping that we could go back to the palace and live there?"

"No." Ty lee admits with a whisper. Does it sound truthful? Because it is true. Seven years. For seven years, Ty Lee lived here with Azula. It is not like she can do anything against that.

"I will always take care of you." Azula says and Ty Lee looks up, feeling herself smile. The former Princess of the Fire Nation answers with her signature smirk. "So don't worry yourself over it, Ty Lee. For now, let's just enjoy our day." There is a hint of excitement in Azula's voice. "What do you want to do today Ty Lee?"

"I took down some notes in the journal."

Raised eyebrows. "Oh? And what did you write?"

Ty Lee takes a bite. "Just my confusion about everything." She says between mouthfuls. She meant that as a lighthearted joke but there is that frown in Azula's countenance again and Ty Lee fears that she might have said something wrong. "I mean even now, I still think it is all a dream. I am here with you. And you cook for me, you draw the bath and we live far away from the civilization where politics is a household topic. We have…" Her face flushes on this one. "… sex and it does not break my heart anymore. Like before. And you…"

Azula is waiting, letting her continue.

"…are telling me that you love me, that you will take care of me."

"Does it sound too good to be true?" Smug smirk.

"It would have been." Ty Lee decides to be honest. "If not for the amnesia thing."

Silence from Azula.

Ty Lee plows on. "I mean, that's where my confusion comes from. One moment, I am having nightmares about you tearing my heart out and next I wake up with a perfect life, a perfect wife and apparently it's all real." She sighs, her lip trembles. "I just feel cheated, that's all. I always dreamed of this. Us, I mean. I…"

Azula listens.

"… love you. I always have, I guess. Even when I decided to forget you, I am still in love. With the memory. Us. Our past. But I do not have that now. I cannot remember how we came to this, how my dreams came true. Because I wake up confused, freak out at the sight of you. Us. I feel tricked, cheated. I cannot look back and gloat at the sufferings that we had because I cannot even remember them. I cannot enjoy the bliss, this bliss that we came to because I have no idea how we got there. You asked me what I remember last. I remember pain, Azula. Agony." She drops the chopsticks and this time, Azula pushes back from her seat, stands. "I remember fearing the real you so much Azula. And I'm so sorry." She sobs out. "I'm so sorry."

She is enveloped by two strong arms and Ty Lee's hurting head collides with a soft chest, with deft fingers combing through sweaty, brown hair.

"I love you too." A whisper. Sweet murmurings. She feels Azula's lips trace down a line on her tear tracts, licking off the moisture. "But I'm not sorry so don't be. We happened. It's far from perfect but we take what we can get." She pauses, tilts Ty Lee's head, meets her lips. "I will always take care of you."

"I wish I can remember that." The thought of tomorrow makes Ty Lee shudder. How much would she remember?

"You won't." There is certain sadness in that tone that almost drives Ty Lee to break down once more but Azula's hold is reassuring, an illusion once more. It is telling her that everything will be fine even if the truth is far from such. "But I will always be here, ready to remind you."

….

.

 _My name is Ty Lee and the last thing I remember is being fifteen, being scared, being in love._

 _I wake up and my first mood is being happily confused. Azula is here. The Boiling Rock, the asylum—they never happened. Perhaps Azula was not even a Princess turned to war machine. And it was all so perfect, like my dreams where I can separate all the good things that I love about my Princess from all the things I found myself foolishly tolerating. Her cruelty, her disregard for people's lives. She is… was the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl in the world. And that is that. The girl of my dreams. The girl in my dreams. The girl… no, woman I woke up with._

 _Then reality crashes and I am just confused. Because surely this is just a dream? Azula remembers the Boiling Rock, the asylum. She escaped and I apparently helped her to. But did I not promise to forget her? That the Azula rotting in her cell was not the Azula I fell so hard for? That enough was enough and I don't want to be hurt again? That Mai was right and Azula, my Azula was just an illusion, a dream and she would forever be? And yet this Azula tells me it is all real. And she is perfect once again. But the real Azula is broken, crazy. I was in love with my dreams of her, not the lunatic that unraveled before the world's eyes. I refuse to be a masochist. I deserve a perfect life. I have it now and yet…_

 _Azula is sulking downstairs. Perhaps, I should apologize. That one is my dream Azula. Yes, yes. I am still in love with her. And I don't want to lose her._

 _I must apologize._

… _._

 _._

 _._

 _I am still confused._

 _But it is already time to go to bed._

 _Azula is taking a shower now and I wait, dressed only in my undergarments. Azula seems eager and I cannot find it in me to deny her. She says something about moods, about her dreading tomorrow. I do too. I dread waking up not remembering what I should feel. Today has been very pleasant for us. I can tell Azula is happy and even though I am still bewildered, I am too. Perhaps, perfection comes with a price. Like it did with Azula. Perhaps, I am doomed not to remember because once upon a time, I tried so hard to forget._

 _Perhaps a spirit overdid his job and answered my prayers in the worst way. I don't know. But it explains why I finally am forgetting about Azula when I don't even want to. It explains why I cannot enjoy the reality of my dream because I tried to escape that nightmare years ago._

 _Yeah, that must be it._

 _I'm a coward._

 _I betrayed Azula._

 _I wish I can go back in time._

 _I wish…_

…

 _._

The door opens and Azula comes out.

Ty Lee smiles, puts down the notebook and wishes that this night would last a little longer.

 _I wish…._

 **(TBC)**

 **.**

 **Halfway there. The next few chapters would be a little shorter than what is usual. Thanks for reading and tell me what you think of this chapter.**


	5. Thursday

….

.

 **.**

 **FIVE**

 **.**

 **.**

 **Thursday**

 **.**

.

Azula has escaped.

Out in the world. With Zuko supposed to return two days from now with his mother and her new family. Without Azula. The telltale stomps of foreboding mercilessly steps on her heart. Azula has escaped. Azula has escaped. Azula will come for her. Ty Lee does not want to rise. Ty Lee wants to sleep forever.

Ty Lee wants to spend her dayoff with one bestfriend who will understand.

Mai would understand. Mai would know. Mai would be able to tell her what to do about her feelings. About the one part of her who wants to be afraid. About the other who wants nothing more than to comb through the forests and to find and bring her back.

She sees Azula in everything, finds her silhouette in every shadow that lurks behind shrubs, trees, behind the drapes of each curtain in the palace. She hears Azula, can imagine her domineering tone from the gentle whispers of the wind in the deafening silence of the halls. She can feel Azula, could pretend that the warm pillow that she sobbed on last night was the fiery, burning touch of hands that bent blue fire.

Mai would know. Mai would understand.

But the excitement of seeing her old friend again is not the something that she wakes up to.

Ty Lee wakes up with a heavy, heavy heart.

And the moment comes when Ty Lee sees those familiar golden eyes staring, pool of dark hair falling down gracefully as the outline of her frame hovered over her body. And she realizes that she is naked and Azula is too. What overcomes her that moment is trepidation, fear and the desire to scream. But there is no surprise. Oh, why is she not surprised? Azula came for her. Didn't she expect that?

 _Didn't she want that?_

Azula leans closer and instinct rules over. With a flash of movements that Ty Lee should have been used to without much thought, she moves to turn the tables over…

Until, she finds that she is the restrained one, her wrists forcefully pinned down with two strong, lithe arms. This, she did not expect. She is not sure what has happened, uncertain as she is with everything else right now. But her limbs did not follow the command she just issued, refused to move in the way that she wanted to. Azula pushes her down harder. Ty Lee struggles. Meanwhile, her mind spins. And the bed creaks… bed?

She freezes and in that moment that she manages to take in everything odd in this picture, Azula's hold slackens. "Ty Lee." Her voice sounds as old as she now looks but significantly different from the hiss and snarl that she heard the last time they saw each other. _How did you stop fearing me?_ Azula was wrong. How wrong she was.

Ty Lee never stopped fearing Azula.

In futility, Ty Lee once again tries to force her way out of the Princess' hold but the same as before, her muscles feel heavier, more unresponsive to her whims. Azula is as strong as ever and once more, the grip tightens. She can feel it. The heat emanating from a curled fist. And Azula herself is now gritting her teeth in frustration. "Seriously, Ty Lee…" She places herself above her, knees trapping the flailing naked body, She could feel Azula's warmth, the alarming response her own emits. "Just hear me out, will you?"

"Let me go!" She finally screams. And she is surprised how raspy her voice sounds, how much effort it takes to break off from the straddle until she feels the dampness of her face. She flails some more, moves with all her strength. But Azula does not relent and all that is left is grudging resignation. All she can do is plead. "Azula. Let me go. Let me go. _Please._ "

She heaves. She pants. She sobs.

Azula suddenly springs away.

She keeps her distance, eyes still fixed on Ty Lee as she dresses herself with a robe. For Ty Lee's part, the useless protest has exhausted her bearings and she sinks further in the bed, crumpling the blankets and sinking into the desperation that she cannot even begin to make sense of. Because what in the world is going on? They are older. She feels older. They are in a room that she has never seen before. She is in bed, naked. And Azula is here, in the same state of undress as she is. She does not need any genius to realize what happened to put them in there. But Ty Lee does not remember. And there is a dull, throbbing in her head as she surrenders to the feeling of her mounting panic, the unpleasant pounding in her chest.

She is shaking when she finally gathers the courage to open her eyes to the strange world once again, when she sees Azula warily looking at her, as if weighing what to say. Ty Lee draws the blanket closer to cover her shame. She folds her knees, hugs herself. This seems to encourage Azula because she carefully shifts forward and sits on the side of the bed.

She does not dare to touch Ty Lee.

She just waits, with a look on her face that looks off, that looks unreal.

Ty Lee is sure that this is a lie.

Finally, Ty Lee chooses that it is about time to ask. One eye open, she takes a risk. "What happened?"

"What is the last thing that you remember?" Azula says this calmly, perfunctorily.

As though she is used to it.

"Does it matter?" is what comes out from Ty Lee. Harshly. And for a second, she is rendered confused by her icy repartee, the anger in her voice that does not sound like her own at all. Her fists clenched. The much longer legs jerk in apprehension. And she is not sure how she knows, how it is the first thing that comes to her mind. That somehow she is twenty-six, desperate and has amnesia. And that somehow, Azula is the thread that makes everything come together.

That when she pulls one string, just one string the web of lies carefully weaved together would all unravel.

But still tangled. Incomprehensible. Nonsensical.

"You have amnesia." Azula is still calm, calculating and something in her casual tone strikes a nerve in Ty Lee because how could she be so unperturbed when Ty Lee feels like her world is about to explode? "You had an accident. Seven years ago. We are married."

"How could we be married when you have escaped?" She blurts out. And the fear that she realizes has flooded the moment that she sees those golden eyes keeps her joints shaking, keeps her thoughts vastly incoherent. Already, it is dangerously spiraling down to one thing. _But there is no way Azula would want me back again._

 _There is no way Ty Lee would want Azula back again._

Ty Lee fears her rejection.

But Ty Lee fears Azula more because she is that one thing that she never learned to understand.

"It's a long story." Azula's tone is not dismissive but it is not relief Ty Lee feels. "But can you calm down first? It hurts me seeing you like this."

The words sound sincere enough, her tone genuine.

But Ty Lee does not believe her.

….

.

She thinks that the kitchen-dining room looks familiar, in all its homey and simple glory. Even with her eyes shut, she can easily picture each nook and cranny, the few odd things that made what otherwise is just effectively carpentered space a unique blend of what it necessary and habitable for them. Ty Lee thinks that she saw that table, that jar, that coal stove before. Ty Lee thinks she remembers sitting there, sometimes feeling fearful, sometimes happy.

She sees herself being tied up in a chair.

She sees herself being fucked on the table.

She sees everything in quick succession of images, a blur of various frames that do not make sense. And her head aches, pounds. She resists the urge to smash it on the surface of the table, stops herself from just irrationally aggravating the pain.

And she feels scared, elated, dreadful and excited. It hurts to think which one is true, which one is a lie. Ty Lee woke up confused and stays so, even though for some reason she knows where the stairs are, what breakfast Azula— _Azula!-_ would likely make and that she does not need to tell Azula that Ty Lee likes her coffee creamed.

Ty Lee somehow knows where they stand now because it feels like she has done this yesterday, even if all she can recall is but a gray matter of ambiguous recollections. But _Azula has escaped._ And there were rumors of coup broiling in the Capital. Suki had warned that they should be prepared when Azula reappears. Ty Lee agreed. When Azula left to search for their long lost mother, Ty Lee knew that she still has not given up. One way or another, she would try to take back the throne that was almost hers. It was a _when._ Not a question. Ty Lee had been waiting anxiously for Azula, dreaded the moment that she would open her eyes and the Princess would be hovering over her, fingers around her neck.

Ty Lee always saw through Azula's façade, saw more concrete and basis than the suspicions everyone immediately pinned down on the released Princess. But Zuko willingly took the risk so Ty Lee thought she should too. And they were wrong to do so. Oh, how wrong.

Ty Lee had wanted desperately to see Mai.

Ty Lee wanted desperately to know that she is still okay.

Which is why as of the moment, she is in a state of perpetual confusion because in all her niceties, in all the wife material she exudes, in the story told to explain how they met again, Ty Lee has no idea what to make of it.

Ty Lee cannot believe that Azula would change.

Ty Lee just cannot believe that she deserves this.

Ty Lee has always believed that the love that she held for the Princess is forever doomed to be unfulfilled, in sins unforgiven and redemption hopeless. "Why would you do this—all of this-for me?"

"Do birds ask themselves why they fly?"

Ty Lee remains skeptical.

"I will always take care of you." Azula finishes. The bounty hunters, the sweet escape and eventual reconciliation remains a distant buzz in her mind. Azula touches a strand of brown hair but does not go further. And she straightens up, fetches the cups. Her sultry tone reverberates around the house, lacking the malice that Ty Lee is used to. "Let's have tea instead for today Ty Lee." She says. Her voice rises. Ty Lee winces at the jolly tone. It does not suit her. "At the risk of quoting my fuddy duddy Uncle…"

Ty Lee only nods in response, automatic, listless. She is numb. She feels hopeless. She has no idea how to react.

But Ty Lee knows one thing.

She cannot believe Azula.

Because as natural as the birds that soar over the skies…

 _Azula always lies._

…

.

.

"Don't we have anyone else we can talk to?"

They are in the sitting room, seated at the opposite ends of the couch. Azula raises her eyebrows and there is a flash in her eyes that makes Ty Lee wince involuntarily. "Am I not good enough for you?"

Ty Lee does not respond, craning her head downwards as she fixes her gaze on the wooden floor. Because it is true. To validate Azula's romantic chronicle of breakouts and elopement, she needs someone else to talk to. She needs to talk to Mai like she remembers thinking about. She needs to know that what Azula is telling her is the truth. That somehow, when she reappeared, she was redeemed in her own way and all she wanted was to be with Ty Lee. Because she is the only that she can have in a world that has no place for her anymore.

She needs to be reassured, needs to be certain that Azula is not lying to her.

She does not think she can take another pretext and break her fragile heart all over again.

She does not trust Azula.

She can never trust Azula.

"I love you." Azula finally snaps. There is an ugly crease on her forehead. The annoyance in her voice is apparent. Ty Lee subtly withdraws to herself. Azula rubs her forehead, as if this, everything physically pains her. "Isn't that enough?"

It is not.

Even though for some reason, it is the only thing that rings true to Ty Lee's ears.

But no.

Don't trust Azula.

Do not trust Azula.

 _Do not trust Azula._

The voice is a whisper but it does not tempt, does not seduce, does not hypnotize. The voice sounds panicked, fearful. The voice is warning her.

Ty Lee finds out that her silence howls louder.

Azula listens.

"You can ask me questions." Azula offers, relenting to keep her composure intact. Ty Lee watches her take a deep breath, curl and uncurl her rigid fists. Steam comes off her nostrils. Ty Lee half expects to smell the stench of burning flesh. Hers. Her burning flesh. "I will answer to everything, I promise."

The desperation in her voice sounds real enough. Ty Lee knows that yes, Azula will provide answers for everything. She always does when asked.

But it does not mean it is truthful.

"How about a request?" she ventures, not wanting to provoke Azula's increasing ire any further. The nonlaconic answer seems to excite the Princess as her face lights up, eyes wide. Ty Lee feels mildly disgusted, feels her distrust grow in larger proportions as the eager-to-please Azula waits. For this is not the Princess she knows. This is the Princess that Ty Lee just wanted to be and she is all but a fabrication of a hopeless, no…

A hopeful romantic.

"Anything." And the too enthusiastic answer ultimately seals the deal.

Ty Lee is tired of lies.

"Leave me alone."

….

.

Azula indeed, leaves her alone.

"I'll just go to town then.' There is a wistful note in her voice, a lisp of a sad, sad anticipation as though she is waiting for Ty Lee to change her mind. The amnesiac forces herself to avoid the look in Azula's eyes, the look that breaks her heart because once upon a time such a humane desire used to be just a wish. Now, it is just a lie.

A painful, manipulative, elaborate deception that kept up in seven years.

Seven years, she is startled when it comes across her thoughts. She closes her eyes, sees a fist flying towards her and darkness. It is gone when she opens her eyes. But there is an aftertaste of the bruise that it must have caused, the brittle memories that it broke.

Her fingertips find the right side of her temple, feels a slight sting as she presses on it.

" _You fell down the bed last time. Three days ago."_

Bath. Water. Candlelight. Kisses.

" _You thought you were seven."_

Lie.

Lie. Lie.

LIE!

"Ty Lee? Ty Lee! Ty Lee!"

She looks up, startled. "What?"

"I said: would you like me to bring something for you?"

" _I can buy you a new one once I go into town next week."_

A notebook. Azula looking over her shoulder. Words. Memories. Wonderful. _I wish._

"You can buy me the new notebook that you promised." She says tonelessly before being able to stop herself. She closes her eyes, sees a nighttable and a brown notebook inside.

"Okay." Ty Lee does not see Azula's widened eyes and the suspicious frown that graces her features.

…

.

.

She finds the notebook and it is exactly as she visualized—the brown hardbound with a couple of torn dog-eared pages and the feathered bookmark. The ink was not refilled, just a few drops remaining in the small jar but for the moment, she is not interested with adding an entry to the journal. _Azula looking over her shoulder._ She flips from page to page, reads words narrated by a voice that it hurts her head to recognize.

Oddly enough, it does not take much of an effort to determine which one is a lie.

Because of course, she knows that she did not help Azula escape.

She never would.

 _Azula looking over her shoulder._

How could Azula have missed that?

….

.

She leaves a message in a place where she is sure that one of her future selves would eventually find and that Azula would never think of looking.

She is disappointed when she sees no message stuck in the corner of the cupboard and attributes it the fact that perhaps she never thought of doing so.

But she would leave her own tonight.

She does not want to sleep.

She does not want to forget again.

But she has no choice.

She only hopes that one of them would have a sense to see that Azula is not to be trusted.

 _Don't trust Azula._

Ty Lee closes the cubby.

…

The bathroom door creaks.

Ty Lee's head whirls around.

Gold.

Red.

Azula.

Then black.

.

 **(TBC)**

 **Disjointed narration. Because as is probably apparent already, Ty Lee's mental stability in this is quite questionable. And oh, full circle and the title was also changed.**

 **The bruise was alluded in the first chapter. The notebook was introduced in the third. No elaborate deception is perfect. There should be a psychology lesson about compulsive liars that I can paraphrase but I have never been much of an academic and what I wrote in here is merely derived from my own experiences with various people over the years. But as I have said and I will say again, this is NOT an accurate depiction of amnesia so I do not expect this to be taken seriously.**

 **Two more chapters. :D**


End file.
